Wiggin Out!!!

Sisters

2012-02-10T12:25:00.000-08:00

A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. ~Toni Morrison

On January 22, 2012, I met my sister. I walked the hallway of the hospital full of emotion. I was going to visit my father who was close to leaving this earth, and going to meet my sister for the first time ever. I am not really sure which emotion was the strongest. You see, God has blessed me with "sisters of my heart" for many years....so I have never felt like I didn't have the experience of having a sister. And then I saw her.

She is taller than me....and she has the most beautiful hair I have ever seen. And when we hugged for the first time, I realized I didn't want to let go of her. I wanted to hug her and share every good thing I had missed, help shoulder every bad one along the way...make up for her 29 years of being on earth and me not being there. I quickly realized I couldn't but oh, how I wish I could!

The speed at which we became "comfortable" with one another was amazing. Almost instantly, we fell into that comfortable rythym of sisters. Our similarities were breathtaking, and our differences were quirky. I remember sitting on the couch together, all huddled into one corner giggling over something silly and thinking that I wish I had had that with her for the past 29 years. There was no need for personal space-just like there isn't a need for that with my God gifted sisters. When I brushed and fixed her hair it was like we went back many years and I was making up for lost time. And when my father passed away 72 hours later, we held hands and held each other as we took care of the details. As my brother helped with preparations, like the Collins men do, we took care of the finer points. We all worked together much like a well oiled machine. Three siblings that were together for the first time ever pulled together like there had never been a day that we were apart. One of Gods many miracles during that week.

As I pulled out of the driveway at 4am, my sister sitting on the front porch and both of us crying, I got the most hilarious text message from here before we reached the end of the drive. One more similarity-dealing with sadness with humor. I immediately felt her absence like I never had before and vowed to make a paper chain to count down until the next time I saw her.

Dear Phalon,

It was so nice to finally meet you. I'm so glad you are a part of my life, and my family's life. Only 119 (approx.) days until I see you again....

Love,

Your big sister

I, Robot

2012-01-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

How do you do everything you need to do when you get the call saying your dad probably won't make it?
I'm like a robot. I methodically do things that have to be done to prepare.
Make a list.
Get out my suitcase.
Choose the clothes I need to have while I am there. Include a dress-just in case.
I need shoes to wear with that dress. Pick those out.
What is the weather like there? What will it be like all week, because I may be there for a whole week.....
Pray. Pray again. For peace that passes understanding and for peace for my dad and the rest of our family. Pray I get there in time. It's a twelve hour drive.
Feed Seth breakfast. Life doesn't stop around you just because yours has.
Think about the fact that I don't want to do this at 33 years old. Then remember that we never really want to do this, no matter our age.
Worry about what my boys are going to do this week. I am an obsessive planner and I have never left them to figure it out. Consider making Olin a list-it's my love language....but not his. He will tell me it will get done. And it will. I just don't want him to forget anything this week like Seths medicine, laundry, the dogs water, etc. If I can't control my dads health then I want to control my boys schedule. Trying to learn to give that up. It's not working, yet.
Pray again. And finish packing. I need to be ready to go out the door. Pray I get to say things that mean something. I want him to know, more than anything, that although it seems like I have fought him my entire life, I was really just fighting FOR him. I don't think he knows that.

We're Alive!!!

2011-12-11T09:24:00.001-08:00

Well, it's been approximately 985 years since I last posted. Life came along and just happened. We have been busy! In the last several months, Olin got a job, I got a job, I lost my job, my mother-in-law had back surgery, school started, Christmas is only two weeks away, we had Thanksgiving, and my dad and step-mom came up for a visit!
Whew.....got tired just typing it. We truly believe we are where we are as a part of God's plan for our lives. We have good days and bad days. It's been a really hard year. However, we are looking for the favor in our situation and most days we find it. We want to be present in the moment and really try to learn what God is showing us in each situation. We are grateful to have a roof over our heads, a car to drive, a healthy boy, and a job for Olin. We are aware that we have a lot more than some people.
My dad and step-mom came up for a visit from south Louisiana! I hadn't seen them in about 11 years or so. I believe we had a good visit and we were blessed to have time with each other. It was good to re-connect and for them to get to meet my boys! We had a week of really good cooking by Ms. Paula and time with family. Seth calls going to my uncle's house "going out to the farm" and he loves it!!! There are goats, chickens, tree swings, and four wheelers. What is not for a boy to love?
I would tell you I will try to post more but I always say that! Ha! I really am going to try to. This blog is one way of me remembering what happens in our little family from time to time and when I don't write it down I don't remember. :/ Praying for friends and family members that are in changing seasons this Christmas! Love you all~!

"I will not dwell on what was lost. I will build on what remains." -Pastor Steven Furtick-

Courtney

Reconnection

2011-09-18T05:39:00.000-07:00

Hi blog world! It's been quite a while since I last posted. There have been many good, hard, messy, wonderful, and scary things going on around here. It's a lot to process. I can just about guarantee a post will go up about each one but first I have to finish processing them!
I am posting to ask for prayer. Specifically for the following things:

*Clear conviction on a medical procedure that may or may not come to fruition.
*Open or closed doors on the house we are in the process of acquiring. There have been some red flags.....
*The job application that is in. I've already interviewed. Just waiting to hear back from them now.
*A good attitude when dealing with the hard stuff. I keep reminding myself of what my "other mother" would say...."That's what love does". Maybe it is...but just being honest that sometimes it is hard to do what love does.

There are several more things going on but the list is getting long... :) I would love the opportunity to pray for things that anyone that reads this blog needs as well. Just comment or email me and let me know!
I promise to follow up within the week and fill everyone in. I am anxious, nervous, scared and excited. God is planning quite a season in my life....and I know that it is all in His perfect timing. Praying that I can go through it glorifying Him.
Have a great Sunday everyone!

I Have Some Thoughts

2011-08-18T09:14:00.001-07:00

I had some thoughts about some things this morning so I thought I should get them all out here....on this ol' bloggy...that I never blog on.

Many of you that know me know that a few weeks ago, someone I like to call a good friend of mine passed away. I was beginning to take piano lessons from him (He has been to the White House to play-he is that good), he sang in my wedding, he had the sense of humor of 10 men, and he was one of my greatest prayer warriors and encouragers. I have been trying to figure out what it all means. He was 58 years old. He has a beautiful family and he loved the Lord with everything he had. Why did he have to go? I like to think the Lord had a spot open in the choir and needed a piano man. Whatever the reason-HIS timing is perfect. In my own selfish vain, I began to wonder what God was trying to teach me out of it. I couldn't believe how impacted I was by his death. I think because it hit so close to home and reminded me of my own mortality. In the last few weeks I have realized several things.
1-Never put off what you have in your heart you want to do. For example, piano lessons. I should have started years ago. Now I have missed an opportunity to learn from the best.
2-Hold my husband a little tighter every day. I may nag, fuss, etc. What if he died tomorrow? Would I be pleased with myself when thinking about the last time I said anything to him? Would they be nice words or would they cause me to live years in regret?
3-Never take having a spouse for granted. Yes-we need our own time and space within the day-but never take for granted having someone to share my bed with. Never take for granted the kiss on my forehead that I get every morning as he leaves for work. Never take for granted that everyday he greets me with "Hey, Beautiful". I never know when the last time I hear those words will be.
4-I should strive to live my life as a testimony for God. I should be humble about it. Almost 1000 people showed up to Charlie T's funeral. He would never have imagined the number of people he impacted. That's what made him as amazing as he was.
5-It's never too early to decorate for Christmas. Charlie T started in September every year. He relished all of the decorations and they brought so much joy to everyone who had the pleasure of seeing them. In his honor, on the day before his funeral, several people on his street put their Christmas trees up. He knew how to celebrate the birth of our Lord and he did it in the finest ways possible!!!

I feel quite certain that there are many things the Lord is trying to teach me through all of this. I can't begin to imagine what his family is going through. If it affected me this much, I can only imagine their pain. However, I know that I know that I know that I know that his family is firmly rooted in their belief of God and that His ways are perfect. We may never understand on this side of Heaven. We may question God-we wouldn't be human if we didn't. However, at the end of the day, we can rest knowing that Charlie is where he is supposed to be and he got there on the day he was supposed to. Through our belief in God, we have hope. A hope that we have a future and that His best for us is more wonderful than we could ever imagine. My prayers stay with this family as they go through their grief. I grieve for the people that will never hear him play or sing again. I rejoice because he has joined a choir more beautiful than we could ever imagine.

New Songs and Jewelry Boxes

2011-05-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was 11 years old, living in South Louisiana. My hair had a wing span wider than a large bird and my pants were tight-rolled. And I lived with my daddy.

The first time I can remember meeting my father I was 9 years old. He had came to the Carolinas to visit and I went to my uncles house to see him. They were boiling crawfish and I tried one for the first time that night. In hindsight-I would have done just about anything my dad asked me to do in order to impress him. He was taller than the pictures led me to believe and his hands....well, they were the largest, strongest hands I had ever seen. I still, to this day, could pick his hands out of a line-up. You see, when your daddy picks you up for the first time you can remember, you seem to memorize everything about him-especially his hands.

Fast-forward a couple of years and I was living with my dad in Houma, LA. It's a little town way in the bayou and I spent two culture-shocking years there. For someone that had never been away from her grandmother or North Carolina, the accent and food rocked my world a bit. It was a couple of years that were definitely a definition of ebb and flow for me. I remember getting saved and my daddy being there to watch me get baptized. I remember my dance recitals and how before I moved there I didn't even know little girls took dance classes. I remember grasping still-even though my daddy was in the same room-looking for some clue of security. I wanted to know that at least every once in a while I was the most important girl in his world. I wanted his full attention. Everything he did was momentous to me. I remember him coming home from a one month stay in Trinidad and bringing me a small round jewelry box. It has flowers on the glass part on top that have flaked away through the years, but the outlines are still there. And when you opened it, it played a song. You see-I believe that this is the first time in my life that my father shopped, picked out, and bought something for me by himself. I imagine him in a little sidewalk shop in Trinidad picking it up and inspecting it-looking to see if it was good enough for his girl.

And so, out of everything in my life, and all the many moves, it has been saved. It has never been put in storage or left in a box for long. It is my prized posession. And today it quit playing. My husband can't figure out why or how to fix it without taking it apart and I wouldn't dare dream of it. And the saddest part? The one that gets me the most? I can't remember the song it played. At all. But maybe-just maybe-this is God's way of ending that song-that chapter of my life that I remember with a few fond memories and the more plentiful sad ones I cling to-and He has started to make me sing a new song. One riddled with memories of weddings and sweaty little boys. Of babies and friends and a renewed relationship with my daddy-one that is set by my terms. Maybe that 20 year old jewelry box can just hold my wedding rings now-or maybe I will ask for a new one and finally pack it away. Quit trying to make it work and accept that it may never play again. Some days it's hard to make adult decisions-to be quite honest. But I know that I know that I know that I know that He is writing a more beautiful song than I could have ever imagined or composed.

Here's to new songs and jewelry boxes.......

The Royal Wedding

2011-04-30T18:04:00.000-07:00

I was one of those people. I woke up at 4am Friday morning to watch the Royal Wedding. My husband, the wonderful man that he is, woke up to make me "royal waffles" while I watched. I had that feeling of nostalgia. I thought of how she felt getting ready in the hotel with her people around her. I had a moment of thinking I wanted to re-new vows so I could do it all over again. I kept having the same thought over and over again-wow, she is lucky!

And yes, she may be lucky.....at the same time I am blessed. I am sure that in the middle of all the chaos, she felt like every other girl feels on her wedding day. Take away the servants, the 2 billion people watching.....and to her it was the same thing. At the end of the day she was just a girl...standing in front of a boy...asking him to love her. (Name that movie) Sure, she may be a princess now but I am too. She will now be treated as royalty, but I am too. And that kiss? The one on the balcony of Buckingham Palace? I had that too....in the middle of a field in front of a couple billion less people but I am quite certain it felt the same.

Tonight instead of sitting around wishing I could do it all again and my wedding could be more "regal", I am choosing to appreciate my king. I am so happy for the new couple and I can honestly say I know EXACTLY how she feels being married. :)

Snapshots and Songs

2011-02-19T19:31:00.000-08:00

Most memories of times in my life are framed by snapshots and songs. I have always emotionally connected to music and pictures. Maybe, in some weird way, it's been my way to preserve things I want to remember.

The old hymn "Love Lifted Me" can take me right back to the pew in Webbs Chapel Baptist Church, with Lester Heavner singing bass somewhere among those in attendance. I can still hear my Grandma Kiser standing beside me singing it. Her voice is something that I will always remember.

A picture of me as a small girl, sitting on Grandpa Kiser's lap outside of their house, eating a popsicle takes me back to a time that I didn't have a care in the world and one piece jumpsuits looked cute on me. My Grandpa Kiser was the first man whose eye I was the apple of. To a girl, this is everything.

The song "I'm Movin' On" by Rascall Flatts. It defined everything in my life at the time I packed my car and moved to Chicago. It was the hardest, yet most rewarding, choice I had made up until that point. I had to get away-pack up everything and glean my life of unsettled experiences and move on. That year turned me into a woman. I learned that I could make good choices in spite of things that tend to hold me back.

I remember a season of my life that was defined by remote control cars, men in cowboy hats, and playing house. It was a defining time in my life. One that I have learned to take lessons from and pack it away into a neat little package. I can take it out from time to time and put on some Al Green, and remember. Then I put it back away until I need it again. "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart" was one of the songs in my life that will always define certain things for me.

Dancing to "We Will Dance" and taking those lyrics to heart. Making a hard decision to lay it all out there for a man and trust. Definitely the most rewarding decision of mine to date. Hardest thing I have ever done. Definitely the most rewarding at this point in my life and I don't think anything will ever take the place of that.

I could list songs for hours......Some of the ones that I hum around the house now are Dreamin 'Bout Babies (Tracy Lawrence?), Maybe (Kelly Clarkson), and Free (Steven Curtis Chapman). My friends and I are like walking episodes of Glee, so there are definitely hundreds more-but these stick out.

I hope when I am old and grey I can still pull out some Al Green or Steven Curtis Chapman and relive a piece of history. I hope I can walk outside on a fall day and listen to Lenny Williams and be a young woman again. Or raise my hands in worship and remember the night Seth accepted Christ at church. I hope this weirdness about me never changes. I see everything in snapshots and songs-and I kinda like it this way.

The Hallmark Holiday

2011-02-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day-possibly the most disputed holiday in the calendar year. Some people spend hundreds of dollars to celebrate, while some refuse. Some call it Singles Awareness Day (I was one of those not long ago) and some people just never weigh in on it at all. They couldn't care less one way or another. I have always loved it. Always. Sure, some years when I was single were very hard but I always found something to do to celebrate. Either it was hanging out with my other single friends or someone God had put in my life that needed to be loved on, I always had a reason to celebrate it.

Now I have two men in my life to celebrate it with. Two boys that told me Happy Valentine's Day this morning. I will have dinner with them tonight (home cooked-keeping it simple), and we will exchange our small valentine's. I don't take a second of it for granted. My boys are my blessing and I am well loved. It is my own personal redemption story. We tell each other in small ways all year long, but Valentine's day-to me-is a day that we can take extra time out of our busy everyday lives to concentrate on it. It becomes a priority on this day-not just something we "squeeze in"...

So to all the cynics, celebrators, singles, marrieds....Happy Valentine's Day! Praying that wherever we all are in life that we celebrate the sacrificial love of God-our true blueprint for how to love everyone else in our world.

Amazingly, We Survived

2011-01-28T08:31:00.001-08:00

Short post because there are lots of things that I NEED to do today, but not a lot of things that I WANT to do. Ahem....

My husband attended a meeting in Charlotte last night. This should not be a big deal. However-if you know me, you know I am a 90 year old trapped in a 32 year old's body. I am not a person who does well after dark when my husband isn't with me. I use to be very independent and this didn't bother me at all. However, with age comes the wisdom (or insanity) that scary people come out after dark and I. WANT. NO. PART. OF. THE. SCARY. Within 10 minutes of him leaving, my mini-man and I had smoked up the entire house with a steak biscuit in the microwave which Seth announced smelled like a dead racoon. Now we live with a dead racoon and I don't know if he will ever leave. I then proceeded to find things to clean for hours. I couldn't sit down because if I sat down I remembered that it was dark out and, for the love people, my man wasn't home!!!!! (For the record, Seth did not know that I was nervous about this. I don't want to pass this on to him-so I kept it quiet.) The bad part about the cleaning is that now I'm afraid that he will find reasons to be gone in the evenings more often so I will clean the house without him having to help. You see-it's become a never ending vicious cycle. Me, Olin, The dark time, Cleaning.....It's like a vortex. At least in my head.

The good part of last night? Seth announced, for no reason, that he was going to go scrub the bathroom. I think I am rubbing off on him with my cleaning streak. Amen, Hallelujiah. Keep Hope Alive.....

I'm hoping there will not be anymore late night meetings in Charlotte anytime soon. I really think it's for the best. :)

Checking In

2011-01-16T03:53:00.000-08:00

My computer is not being my friend this week. It will pull up everything else...except my blog. What in the world??? My husband and I can't figure out what is going on to be able to fix it. All that to say that until we figure it out I probably won't post a lot. Not that I did before, but I was trying to get better about all of that.

As of last week, my husband and I were both layed off from our job. We worked together, which is why it all happened at the same time. We are trusting and praising God and trying to maintain that perspective through all of this. I truly believe that God is teaching us to have security in Him and not in a paycheck. Please keep my family in your prayers as we try to figure out what is going to happen with all of this and as we begin to hunt jobs. While there aren't a lot of jobs out there, we believe that God has already made a provision for us to have one.

To end on an "up" note, there is a modeling agency in Charlotte that is interested in meeting with Seth. We are going to meet with them Tuesday afternoon. Seth loves to pose for pictures...really loves it...and we have decided to fully investigate whichever agency we decide to go with. Any amount of money he earns, after his 10% to church, will go into a college fund for the future. We are praying for discernment when choosing an agency to work with. We in no way want to compromise Seth's school time through all of this and we have decided that as soon as he doesn't want to do it anymore we will stop. At the least, it will be an adventure and we are excited about that!

I will try to update as much as possible and hoping we get the computer issue figured out soon. It had a virus the other day and we had to wipe it. It would pull up my blog until we had to do that. There is no telling what is going on~ I hope everyone is having an amazing 2011 so far!!

"And I've Made Up My Mind....I Ain't Wastin' No More Time"

2010-12-27T18:31:00.000-08:00

So here I go again.....

I have several things I would like to accomplish in the new year, so I thought I would post them on here to hold myself accountable as well as have a reminder of all of my goals.

Here goes nothing....

1. Grow closer to God. This will be on my list for the rest of my life. I don't think a human can ever stop working on this. There is always more to learn about Him and parts of my relationship with Him that I will need to work on.

2. Try to find a job off the road.

3. When number 2 happens, get plugged in at church. And get Seth plugged in at church.

4. Lose weight. I have had a wake up call this year, through a number of circumstances, that has made this one more real to me than ever. Please back me in prayer that this one can happen.

5. Pray over and for Seth every day. We need to committ, as a family, to help him grow in his walk with the Lord. He was saved at church the other night, and I really want to pour into him like never before. Praying for the Lord to lead us to the tools we need that would be the most beneficial to him.

6. Find financial freedom somehow. We seem so tied down to finances and it creates a lot of stress. We want to be better stewards of our money in the new year and really learn how to save.

7. Hold my husband a little tighter and keep my mouth shut more. I am grateful to have a husband that cherishes me and everyone doesn't have this. I need to show my gratefulness every day.

8. I am striving not to be a crap factory. Long story, but I don't want to be one. I want to lose my sense of entitlement to anything.

9. Become Patch Adams. My people know what this one is all about. It goes right along with the lose weight/get healthy one.

10. There really aren't 10. I just can't end on an odd number. Ok-number 10 should be to get over some of my neurosis. Amen.

You've Got The Look

2010-12-25T08:25:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend of mine last night, and she explained that before their 5 year old went in to see Santa's gifts this morning, he had to come wake them up. She said that one of them had to get down the hall to the living room before him so they could catch a picture of his face when he first saw his Christmas loot. It was then that I realized that we spend years looking for the reactions on peoples faces.

Our children on Christmas morning. A groom when his bride first begins her walk down the aisle. The look in the eyes of a spouse after many years of knowing. The look on someones face when you offer them a gift. The reaction of the person you are celebrating at a surprise party. All of their emotions are wrapped up in their face. This is how you know how happy, honored, grateful, surprised, appreciative they are.

My Christmas wish this year is that I would pay more attention to the looks on my peoples faces. That I wouldn't miss small blessings. That I won't take for granted the looks of Seth. God has given me him as a gift and I don't want to miss any of it. My greatest wish, however, is that I would seek HIS face more. I want to know that HE is happy, honored, grateful, and surprised at what I do. He is the one I want to get the picture of with His first reaction. My life needs to be gauged by Him-not anyone or anything else.

May you all have a wonderful Christmas and never forget to seek the look on His face.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like.....Something.....

2010-12-22T05:36:00.000-08:00

I have a lot about nothing notable going on....but thought I would catch up with the ol' blog world. We are in the midst of trying to prepare for Christmas. Try would be the key word here. My shopping won't be finished until tomorrow, we have family dinner on Christmas Eve to prepare for, cookies to bake, presents to wrap, and so on and so forth. Not sure if it looks like Christmas around here or mayhem.

I did get up earlier than everyone else this morning (not unusual) and straighten up the front of my house. Then I realized it wasn't quite daylight so I plugged in the tree. It was very nice to sit here in total silence and look at the Christmas tree lights with a house that was picked up. Not sure how long this will last today, but it was a good start!

Not sure if anyone else experiences this, but Seth's Christmas list keeps changing. Good thing we didn't have his big gift bought yet or he would have been stuck with it. The last thing he tells us is what we will get tomorrow. Then it's done.

As we slide quickly into Thursday, my prayer is that I quieten this crazy chaos in my head before church tomorrow night. It is the one thing I am looking forward to before Christmas and I am hoping it straightens my perspective during this season. Seth has asked every day if it is the day we are going to church. I think he's excited too. :)

Here's wishing everyone a Merry Christmas! May we never forget that it is really for celebrating the birth of Jesus and God's sacrifice in sending us His son. It really is the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. It sure beats socks and underwear. :)

A List of Reasons

2010-12-20T04:11:00.000-08:00

This morning, a list of reasons why husbands are awesome.

1. They warm up the car on cold days.

2. Mine is a travelling space heater, and he never minds warming up my ice pop feet!

3. Olin is a fabulous cook. My body shape is a testament to this. :)

4. He gets me. All the quirkiness that is me.

5. Pillow talk. AWESOME.

6. I have a helpmate. I am not in this alone. Such a relief.

7. Accountability. He is my partner in this. He calls me out on things that I would never let anyone else see/hear me think/do. He is the little white angel on my shoulder arguing with the devil on the other shoulder.

8. He puts up with my singing. If you knew how much of a sacrifice to his ears this is, you would know why it is impressive. He even says that I sound good sometimes. (Little white lies like this that he tells me to boost my ego never hurt anyone:)

9. I get to watch him be a wonderful father. To his two legged son and four legged daughter. They both have him wrapped around their little fingers and paws and I. LOVE. IT.

10. He would give me the world. He can't, but gladly would if he could. Just because.

I look forward to adding to this list from time to time. Olin does things everyday that amaze me. I want them recorded in this virtual journal of mine so that one day Seth can see what an amazing man he is as a husband. I want this list to remind me on days that I am ungrateful. I want Olin to have this list so that he will know the little things he does are not missed.

I hope everyone is having an amazing Christmas season! Praying that my family remembers to focus on the real celebration of this season.

Stopping By....

2010-12-05T08:45:00.000-08:00

Just stopping by to let you know that if you don't see a post from me sometime soon, please send the search party out. I am about to start cleaning my house and my boys are about to work on this science fair project-again. This project may be the end of my sanity.

Amen.

Of Wise Men and Christmas Miracles

2010-12-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

A wise man once said to me..."There is always some type of storm in our life. Not on a daily basis, but after one storm, another one comes up. This is when we can see the work of God. And sometimes we are the victim in the storm but it is all to glorify Him." Then he quoted the song..."Through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus. Through it all, I've learned to trust in God. If I never had a problem, I wouldn't know He could solve them."

The man I write about is the Pope. He had this conversation with me in the ICU waiting room while his wife of 51 years lay in the Neurological ICU due to, they believe, an infection in her brain caused by her ear drum rupturing-leading to bacterial meningitis. I just had dinner with her a couple weeks ago. She had made gingerbread houses with her grandson on Friday.

I was prepped before I walked back. "It's going to be hard to see her, but you can look at her through the window before you go in to prepare yourself." We talked with doctors, listened to them give reports as we watched her through the glass walls. We methodically put on our robes, mask, and gloves. We were surrounded by machines beeping, doctors talking, the smell of antiseptic, and the sound of the doors opening and closing as people came and went. All of them had a reason to be there. All of them had someone they loved behind those curtains.

For the record, I wasn't prepared for this. But that's how God works sometimes. If He preps us for new things that He is going to teach us we would be like Jonah and try to run and hide. Sometimes He has to thrust us into the situation and teach us as we go. As I walked the long hallway to the elevators, and entered into the waiting room with several other families, I wondered where my days of teenage immortality went to. For the record, I think they jumped out of the 5th floor window at Baptist Hospital. I can tell you that it is a new level of adulthood when you are going to visit and support your best friend as her mother is in ICU. I didn't think we were old enough for our parents to be this sick. I don't think I wanted to be this kind of an adult yet.

However-He will get the glory. He will be honored in it. He is the same God in the valley as He is on the mountain top. He isn't surprised by any of this and He is working out big plans. While this seat may be as comfortable as a concrete block, what a great seat it is!!! How often in our lives do we get a front row seat to watch God work hour by hour??? I may not have been ready, but He was. And just for the record, I can't wait to watch this Christmas miracle unfold. Sometimes we are the victim. But He is ALWAYS the Victor!

From one turkey to another.....

2010-11-27T07:53:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Just a small recap of ours:

We got in from work on Wednesday night. Ran to the house, unpacked, repacked, showered, and hit the road to Clover. In the small amount of time we were at home, we saw evidence that Stuart Little, or at lease one of his relatives, had moved into the house. I packed extra clothes. My in-laws were stuck with us for a couple of days, like it or not. :) (They didn't mind) There are several things in life that I just cant deal with, and mice are on the list. Near the top.

We got to my in-laws and immediately joined the ranks of people in the kitchen cooking. I was tired but there is nothing as enjoyable as the family in the kitchen cooking together. Especially with Grandma Wiggins. She is one of those women, like so many others, that will never be able to write all of her recipes down for us so we have to watch and learn. She rarely uses a measuring cup. It's like an art form.

We finally got in the bed around midnite. I walked into the room and there was an 11 year old laying in the middle of the bed, smiling like a cheshire cat. We all crawled in the bed together and he played with the dog and giggled his way into sleepiness. I had a few moments of nostalgia as his daddy carried him to his bedroom and tucked him in. Will that be the last time he feels comfortable enough to crawl in the bed with us? Will that be the last time his daddy carries him to his bed after he has fallen asleep? We are reaching an age with him that when I see these things, I have to wonder if it is the last time I will see it.

Thursday morning brought an onslaught of dishes that still had to bake and be finished up. Friends and family came in from all over NC and Virginia. Caroline even had a pug friend, Ginger, come visit! The puppies were happy about their visit, the cat however still hasn't spoken to us. :) By the time we sat down to eat with our plates that weren't big enough to hold all of the side dishes, we were tired, fulfilled, thankful, and starving. When we finished eating, I don't think there were too many people at the table that could still breathe. ;)

We are home now and back to the grind of life. Cleaning house, packing to go back to work today (for me), praying that Stuart Little is gone, doing laundry, cooking meals, etc. As we come down from the rush of the first holiday meal, I am thankful for family. And friends. And hard work and big payoffs. It is every bit worth it and now on to the next one. My boys decorated the tree last night and as I sat here and watched them (They wanted to do it themselves) I couldn't help but wonder if this was the last time that Seth wouldn't be able to reach the top of the tree without his daddy's help. And so the cycle begins again. Praying that I go through the season with eyes wide open and capturing every memory in my mind. I never know if it's the last time it will be like this.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!! From one turkey to another....

Old Vs. New

2010-11-15T12:21:00.001-08:00

I have had a lot of real, authentic friendships over the years. I do not take that for granted. Real friends are hard to come by and few. After making some new friends recently, I started to really realized how lucky I am. I have friends that will speak truth to me, even when I don't want to hear it, and do it out of sincerity and love. I have friends that I can sit at a dinner table with and belly laugh our way through the meal. (I sure hope that helps to work off some of the calories that I would be consuming at said meal). I have friends whose parents know me just as well and would be there in a minute if I needed them. They are my self-created family. We are comprised of a group of people that may be very different on a day to day basis....but we care about each other regardless. We care how the other persons day is and what they have going on in their lives. We celebrate each others triumphs and greive with each other over failures. We celebrate each others birthdays and their familys birthdays. We help each other navigate this world of marriage, parenthood, and adulthood in general.

I have been very emotional this week, so please forgive the mushy post. I just know that there is no greater feeling in the world than when an old friend calls you up and asks: "Did you sleep last night?" "How was your morning?" It's not even the question itself. It's knowing they cared and wondered about it. It's knowing that in someone else's world, no matter how busy they are, you matter. And it makes all the difference in the world.

So...Old vs. New? I think I will keep them both. After all, I can have my cake and eat it too... :)

Santa Claus is comin' to town!

2010-11-04T04:50:00.000-07:00

Good morning! I got up this morning and did some quick mathematical equations in my head and realized I may need to get on the Christmas train! It's literally just around the corner. Amazing how it sneaks up! One of my main goals this year is to get a Christmas picture done and do Christmas cards. I never mail out Christmas cards. I'm slack. However, Shutterfly has made it easy for me to be able to order cards with the pictures already printed on them and they get here quick enough so that people who procrastinate (not sure who that would be!) can still have them in time to mail them out! My kind of store!
I was browsing through their cards the other day and they have some pretty amazing designs! Here are some designs they have available this year. I love the photo cards! I will tell you from personal experience, that the quality is top-notch! It's amazing!!! I am thinking of using the 5x7 folded carded "Merry Greetings". With the picture I have planned I need a pretty big window on the front and I love the simplicity of it! I also love that you can put pictures on the inside and there is STILL room for writing! This is a great plan for me, because if you can't tell by my posts, I am wordy. I can't help it people. :)
The other thing I am looking at are their wall calendars. I think they make phenomenal gifts for Christmas-especially for grandmothers who love to brag and show off the grandchildren! These are easy to create and they are personalized! Take some time to check them out!
The last thing I want to take some time to mention, is their Holiday Party Invitations. This is my idea of an invitation. They make inviting people to that party you wanna plan so easy! I am thinking they would be perfect for the Cookie Swap I want to plan soon!
I will feature my card on here as soon as I have it ordered and mailed! I can't show it here before all the family sees it! I promise you that if you order from Shutterfly, you will not be sorry you did!

Big Things in the Little House

2010-11-01T22:18:00.000-07:00

Hi bloggy friends!!! Really just checking in and doing a catch up post. You want a list, don't you? Come on...you know you've missed them!!! Just for you..an early Christmas present...

1. My friend Glittashooz finally caved to peer pressure and started a twitter. #soulsistasreunitedviatwitter #anditfeelssogood.

2. Seth, much to my joy, is developing quite a snarky sense of humor! Not disrespectful, and his comedic timing is getting better and better every day. Makes my heart swell with pride. He gets it from his step-mom!

3. Olin and I have solid leads on a local job that would pay well enough for us to come off the road. We would also have fabulous benefits. It will take us a week or so to get everything together to apply but please say a little prayer for us!!!

4. We also have a GREAT lead on a house we are looking to buy. Makes me wanna throw up in my mouth a little. Seriously, the deal is too good to pass up. If God opens the door, in we will move!!!

5. There is also other huge news in our little family. It's nothing that we can post publicly about yet, but please pray and God will know what it's for! "You make everything work together for my good." I am pete and repeating these words over and over.

6. I have fall decorations up and I also have my Christmas tree up. Confusing, isn't it? But there is nothing like the light from a Christmas tree in a room. It makes me jump for joy.... Ok, ok...maybe I don't jump. That would become a debacle. But I do squeal a little bit. :)

7. In a couple weeks, the soul sistas will be reunited for real and we will all be in one room together. The world should sit right on it's axis once again. #ourhusbandsdon'tstandachance

8. We are reuniting for the little Lenoir babies birthdays!!! Levi will be 5 and Sophie will be 1!!! Hard to believe! Let the list making begin!

9. I am seriously determined to get 10 items out of this post. IF it's the last thing I do. OH-I did want to mention that the other thing that makes me squeal right now is this weather. This glorious weather! Yet another gift from Him! It reminds me that His mercies are new every morning. The old has gone away and the new will come. He provides shelter in the cold...even when you have nothing to help cover yourself with, He is the portion. He's got my back..... (I tend to get this way every fall with the falling leaves, the bare tree branches, and winter coming when everything dies and new life is preparing to begin. I can't help it. It's the romantic in me.)

10. Last but not least, I am starting to understand this whole "coupon world" and it's a crazy world. I love it, but it's crazy. And it's hard. And it's a lot of work. But it's worth it when your cubbards are overflowing. Mine aren't yet, but working towards getting them that way! Then there is more to share!!!

I hope everyone had a safe and fun weekend this past weekend! Are you all ready for the holidays? I started shopping and then stopped. I need to start again. STAT! It will happen, though. Hopefully. What are your plans for the holidays?

“You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. “

2010-10-31T05:20:00.000-07:00

It’s no secret that I met Olin on Eharmony. Because I had a success story, I will forever suggest that site. I suppose it’s all a matter of personal opinion. Eharmony is a complex site where you have to go through “stages” of talking with someone before you are allowed to have open communication. This is to insure that you match on several different levels before you commit to becoming emotionally attached. Olin and I communicated for a couple of months before our first night on the phone. Six wonderful hours later, we decided to meet. Within a few days, we were an item.

Olin and I consider our date of officially beginning to date to be October 26, 2007. We did a lot of talking and getting to know one another. After all, we weren’t getting any younger and didn’t want to waste each others time if we weren’t compatible. I can honestly say that Olin is the first person that I ever have been ENTIRELY up front and honest with. Not that I told people that I was someone that I wasn’t but I never told them everything. Everything I am is a lot for me to handle at times. I can only imagine if you are someone looking in from the outside. Anyway…..On our first “date”, Olin asked me if anyone had ever told me how beautiful I was. It took me a second to reply, as I told him simply that nobody had ever told me-in my entire life-that I was beautiful. It’s something that bothered me from time to time but nothing I wallowed in. After all, I had a sorry opinion of myself. Why should anyone else think any better? He was genuinely surprised and immediately told me that I was beautiful. And then he kissed me. For the first time ever. Little did I know that night, but it would be my LAST “first kiss” ever.

All of this to say: I know that there are times I fuss about how messy my husband is, how scatter-brained he can be, among a list of many other things. However, when we celebrated our 3 year anniversary of dating yesterday, I realize the one thing he does do. EVERY DAY, for the past 1095 days of my life, I have heard every day that I am beautiful. Whether it’s in his “good morning beautiful” when I roll out of bed, no make-up (which is common) and my hair all over my head…..or if it’s when I come out of the bathroom after getting dressed to go on a date with him. He has not missed a single day in over 1000 days. He was the only one to say it to me on the day we were married-and somehow, that was ok. After all, his opinion was the only one I was worried about. He is the one to tell me when I am sick as a dog and have been in the bed for a couple days. He is the one to tell me when we have been confined inside a truck with one another for weeks at a time…when others would be ready to push the other half out of the truck, he greets me with a kiss and “hey beautiful”.

He totally makes up for the first 30 years of not hearing it. Today, I am thankful that God redeemed it. And boy, did He ever redeem it! I love you, Olin, and look forward to the next 30 years!!

(by the way…You’re not so bad yourself!)

Better late than never!

2010-10-11T19:49:00.001-07:00

Ok....so I am a day late in posting this but better late than never, right? Yesterday was my mom's 52nd birthday!!! She celebrated with friends and family Saturday night and spent yesterday resting, I believe. They had the fire pits going, hamburgers on the grill, and no party in Abby Park is complete without the kareoke machine. (I am not sure of the spelling of kareoke...tells you how much I participate! HA!) Mom often jokes with me that I do what she should be doing and she does what I should be doing at our respective ages. She enjoys going out and dancing, etc. I enjoy being in my house with the doors locked by dark and Tony Bennett and Frank Sinatra. Don't get me wrong, we have some common ground but for the most part, at least socially, our roles are quite reversed! She is the "fun" grandma, who lets the kids get away with stuff I never would. Hers is the house that everyone goes to to hang out and have a good time. And when things are going really wrong and they need somewhere to rest and recover. She fills all of those shoes for a lot of people. When I met my husband, I knew that he and I would go well together when he loved my mama. Lord knows, I was worried about them loving each other! I had no need to worry, though. They hit it off immediately. He likes to have her over and feed her dinner and she likes to pick on me with him. They feel safer in pairs of two or more when giving me a hard time! He would do anything for her that she needed and heaven knows she has helped us out more times than we can count! Seth loves to spend time with Green Gene and pick on her about being old. The other night, he was telling her a story about a little old lady that he loved...and he said it was his favorite old person! He then, very seriously, turned to her, patted her on the shoulder, and said: "Now, I don't want to hurt your feelings. I like you too!" LOL I sure am glad that after 52 years she still has a sense of humor!!!
Mom-I hope you had a wonderful birthday and I pray that your 52nd year of life is the greatest one yet. Please know that we love you and appreciate all you do for us and love spending time with you!! Here's to 52 more wonderful years!
Love,
Olin, Courtney, and Seth

Under Construction

2010-10-07T11:32:00.001-07:00

Hi! This blog will be "under construction" today! Please pardon the mess while I work to make it a bit more snazzy! If there are any problems seeing anything or pulling anything up, please email me at courtney7880@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Falling in love with Fall!

2010-10-03T12:50:00.001-07:00

Just a post to catch you up on what is new in the Wiggins family!

1. Can anyone else feel the fall in the air? The hubs and I can and we love it! We just got all of the stuff to make smores so when the little man is with us next week, that's on the schedule!!!

2. I just celebrated my second wedding anniversary with the greatest man I have ever known! We went to dinner in Charlotte at the Omaha Steakhouse and it was wonderful! He took me to Ikea before, because he speaks my love language, and we did a little Christmas shopping!

3. Speaking of Christmas, I have made a jump start on shopping. Woo hoo!!!!! Now, I am trying to con my husband in to letting me start decorating for Christmas. I think I am slowly wearing him down. I just want my tree and village up!!!

4. Um...the little guy has all B's in school! You have no idea what an accomplishment this is for all of us! We are so proud of him! When I got his grades, I decided a celebration was in order. We had a small cake from the store, and when he got home from school and I told him, he told me he was going to go put on his celebration clothes. This consisted of his pj pants and a t-shirt. Um....I love this kid! He is taking after me in his idea of celebration clothes! Love it!

5. I am oficially 32 years old. I need to add some more memories to the memory post but haven't done it yet. Call me slack. I say it's old age.

6. If anyone has any wonderful ideas for homemade Christmas ideas, please pass them along!~ We are looking to focus on the meaning of Christmas the most this year and less on materialism. That doesn't mean that nobody will get gifts, but that certainly won't be the focus. I am looking for homemade gift ideas, traditions that are neat, etc. You can comment on here or email me at courtney7880@yahoo.com.

Ok...that's it you guys. I am off to read some more of Sun Stand Still and try to lure my husband in from the outside. He loves this weather as much as I do! Talk to everyone soon! Happy Fall, Y'All!

My Page 23

2010-09-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

I am reading a new book...."Sun Stand Still" by our pastor..Steven Furtick. I am not even to the half-way point yet, so I do not think this post will be conclusive or maybe even cohesive. Just roll with it. I want to get some thoughts about the book down while they are fresh. I am 32 now....and with age comes....mmm...what's that word??? Oh yea...dementia. :)

The Sun Stand Still book is based off of Joshua Chapter 10. There are a couple key verses that he points out in the book but if you read Joshua 10 you will get the idea. Pretty much, Joshua was battling the enemy and knew that if it got dark that he would lose some people. They would flee and hide. If that happened, the battle wouldn't be done. He needed to conquer EVERY enemy. After all, God had told him...in verse 8..."Do not be afraid of them; I have given them into your hand. Not one of them will be able to withstand you." NOT ONE OF THEM. Well, Joshua was probably a very literal person (something that stands true to the male population around our homes these days) and didn't want to let any of them get away. So he prays..."O sun, stand still over Gibeon, O moon, over the Valley Of Aijalon." (verse 12)

The amazing part comes in after verse 12. Verse 13 and 14 read: "The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. There has never been a day like it before or since....Surely the Lord was fighting for Israel!"

I want to be like Joshua. I want to pray prayers that are equivalent to his sun stand still prayer and pray them in confidence that if I am in God's will, there is nothing that He cannot do. After all, he DID make the sun stand still and all....

When I first started reading the book last night and again this morning, I immediately started to think of sun stand still prayers I could pray for my life. As Pastor Steven points out, it doesn't have to be something as big as making the sun stand still. It means that you are praying, and believing, in something that is impossible for you in your life. It may be easy for others, but impossible for you. This is why everyones sun stand still prayers will not be the same. Well, if you know me at all, you know I am a list maker. My first inclination was to get out a brand new yellow pad and sharpie pen and start my list of sun stand still prayers. I would have the list done in minutes and praying over them just as quickly. And then it hit me. SLOW DOWN FAST MOVER FRANNIE. Keep reading first.

So I just got out a highlighter instead. :) You see, I could make a list of what the sun stand still prayers are for my life that I think are right. But what if those things that I am praying for are not the things that God wants in my life? What if it isn't His timing to work any of that out or work it out the way I want to work it out? It would then become a futile activity. I want to first pray about God's will for my life. He created me to be a vessel for Him to reach people. I can imagine, that when I finally tap into it in it's full screen HD version, it will be quite an amazing vessel! But....and this is a big but....I want to know which vessel he wants to use. Did He give me a desire to help homeless people or abused children because there is something He is planning to do through me that would rock the world of all of that? I sit around and wonder what I can do. I even put up a msg on facebook last year to do a blanket and coat drive for homeless people in my town. I got zero...ZERO...responses. But...I didn't pray about it first. I just thought it was the right thing to do. Can you imagine if God was in charge of my plan? My daydreams are now turned to how much more I could help provide if God was the one rationing out my provisions.

And what if God's plan for me has nothing to do with the above? Maybe it's something I have ignored for my 32 years. Something I've pushed to a back corner as "kind of interesting". I want to know what it is. I want to seek it out and then I want to talk to Him. After all, He will be the one in charge here. Which, by the way, will be another huge lesson for me. I am an in charge kind of person. That's why I make lists. Things that seem too big or out of control, if I write them down in a list it mentally gets them under my control. So-write it down in the history books. I am handing the reigns over. I want God to be the provider for whatever it is that He has me do. And I'm excited. I am excited to find out what it is, what He will provide me with, how it will affect me, my family, the wee little boy. (How amazing it will be to live out an audacious faith in front of an 11 year old!) It's like Christmas morning...only all the time. I never know when I will turn a corner and there will be provision for what He wants me to do then. Can you imagine the possibilities? Because I can! I may put them down on a list...lol....but that's how I daydream. HA!

As I said, I am halfway through the book so I know there will be more posts to follow. Maybe it will be a "My Page 23" series. Who knows. I don't know if I can figure all of that out on here. I am just excited to put it out there and would like for everyone reading to pray that I am able to hear and understand the words that God wants me to and hold me accountable. If it seems like I am taking the reigns from Him, smack my hand! (Nicely, please)

So here we go on a journey....of the Sun Stand Still kind....will you join me?

The book releases on Tuesday I believe. You can check it out on www.sunstandstill.org and it is available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon on the release date as well. (I would have linked all of these things but I am too technologically outdated to do all of that. Sorry. )

As you turn 32

2010-09-14T02:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Courtney...

As you turn 32 today, please don't forget the best times from the last year. You say you won't, but you will get busy "doing life" and forget about all of them! Just for you, I am making a list so you won't forget. It's how I roll.

-Your boys giving you Valentine's gifts a day early because they just couldn't wait. Seth gave you a matching teddy bear to the one he got you in 2009 when he said..."Look...he has the year on his foot. This way you won't forget the first year we were a family on Valentine's Day!" No I won't, Seth. Ever. :)
-Giving your boys books for Valentine's day and walking in and seeing them lined up on the couch, nose to the pages. Life father, like son. Love it!
-Seth's birthday party debacle of 2010. It was great...but way tiring. Next year will be easier.
-The debacle of 2010 debacle.
-Your first trip to the beach as a family. The one where you lost your bathing suit bottoms and your husband lost his wedding ring. Grateful that the first was recovered and the second can be replaced.
-Getting excited about finally owning a deep freezer. Wow how our priorities change as we age!
-Caroline turning a year old in August. It feels like this little girl has been in our family forever!
-Caroline staying with her Nana the whole weekend while you were at the beach. The boys worried more than you did! Caroline wasn't worried-Nana fed her all the table food she wanted and she came home more spoiled than she went-didn't know that was possible! Thanks a lot, Nana!
-Connecting with your dad on facebook. Who would have thought? Lol.
-Starting an outside project with Olin. One that isn't finished because you need more tools to finish, but it is well on it's way. And the fact that Olin is doing it just because you asked him to! :)
-Ashley moving to GVegas! The fact that you aren't there is a little sad, b/c you love that place, but the fact that she is there and you can visit anytime? Priceless! Now you need to make time to actually go!!!
-Seth living in Lincolnton. All the world seems a little better now for you. Now if you could just get use to the school schedule.
-Since last September, you have celebrated your first anniversary, hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner at your house, and then vowed never to do it again! Ha!
-You played Santa for Seth this past Christmas. Probably your first and last year of getting to do it so you worked it all up! You guys made reindeer food, cookies for Santa...all the works! He loved it and I believe it may have warmed your heart just as much as it did his!
-Going to Elevation Church for the first time. It has rocked your God world and you couldn't be happier!

*I am sure there are more...However, it is 5:37am and this is my second blog post for the day so I am out of the ability to process coherent thoughts. I will add to it as I remember stuff....I don't want to miss anything! :)

Where's Waldo?

2010-09-14T02:11:00.000-07:00

I just realized it has been over a month since I posted. In my defense (if I even have one) it has been quite a busy month! Seth started 6th grade...so not only have we transitioned to a new school entirely, but we are transitioning to middle school. It's been a rough road people...rough road! We are hopefully now getting into a routine. He loves his new school. I love the new school but am counting down the days until summer again! (He doesn't know this-I don't want him to start not liking school...lol). The evenings exhaust me. We don't seem to stop from the time he gets home until the time he goes to bed between homework, dinner, free time, chores, showers, reading time, family time, etc. Our days are full. And I love it. Every. Stinking. Exhausting. Minute. Of. It.

We haven't been to church in the last few weeks and I can feel it in my soul. I need to get back there and be fed spiritually. Sure-we can watch the sermons online but there is something about being surrounded by a body of believers and worshipping with them that just makes everything of the world go away. At least for a bit. It shifts my perspective to a much better place.

Speaking of shifting-I have realized that it is time that I redesign my life and shift my priorities to other things. I am in prayer mode about it. I want to shift priorities to where God wants me to shift them. I know that right now I am focused on things that aren't bad, but they certainly aren't what God would have me focus on. I get worked up and angry very easily at things that I believe are injustices. Who am I to judge??? I have quit reading blogs online that make me angry because people take things out of perspective. If it angers me, then why do I need to expose myself to it? There are people in my world that have a very distorted view of priorities in life in general. Not only spiritually, but in their everyday life and activities. It angers me. This isn't fair to me, my God, or my family. When I am angry, I lose focus on Him. Why in the world would I want that? So I am praying for a mind shift. I want to let the little things and the injustices roll off my back. I don't want to lose time with God or my family because I am too busy trying to "fix" or "right" what has been done wrong to me. It does no good and only serves to stress me out. So I am praying and making a list :) to help me along. Stay tuned for updates. :)

In one more day, I will turn 32 years old. Most people I suppose would complain about getting older, and while there is a little taste of bittersweet to it, there are many great things about it. Why would I mind being 32 when I have a life that is fulfilled? I have a wonderful husband (who I will be celebrating an anniversary with in a couple weeks) and a fabulous step-son. I have a Father who celebrates me. I have fabulous family and friends that support me. Sure-there are places I thought I would be in life by now that I'm not. However, I am realizing that I am right where God wants me to be right now in my life. I can't wait to find out what my 32nd year of life holds. It's kind of like opening up a brand new blank notebook and having a brand new sharpie pen to write in it with. Gives me butterflies. :) So I plan to celebrate another year. Another year of blessings, trials, wins, losses, sweet memories, family, friends, etc. And eat cake. LET THEM EAT CAKE! I know my mom ordered me a "Lori" cake and Sheyna and I are ready for our cake fest. That will send the year out with a bang!

Sorry I took so long to post. Hopefully, I will be quicker with it in the future. However, during school I make no promises! I hope the fact that it exhausts me has nothing to do with my age....:)

Until next time.....

To Have and To Hold

2010-08-08T22:22:00.000-07:00

Olin and I are quickly coming up on 2 years of marriage. I know we are still considered newlyweds to some, and there are times when we still feel like newlyweds, but we have faced many trials during these two short years. Amazingly, never wavering in our commitment or love for each other. I will admit that I look back at those and realize how blessed I am to be in a marriage where I don't have to wonder how secure I can be. I know he is here for the long haul. And I think I have shown him I am as well. I was reading a book the other day and came upon this. I felt like it deserved to be shared and I felt it was very representative of my marriage at this place we are at-and probably always will be.

"A Marriage"

You are holding up a ceiling with both arms. It is very heavy, but you must hold it up, or else it will fall down on you. Your arms are tired, terribly tired, and, as the day goes on, it feels as if either your arms or the ceiling will soon collapse.

But then, unexpectedly, something wonderful happens. Someone, a man or a woman, walks into the room and holds their arms up to the ceiling beside you. So you finally get to take down your arms. You feel the relief of respite, the blood flowing back to your fingers and arms. And when your partner's arms tire, you hold up your own to relieve him again.

And it can go on like this for many years without the house falling.

-Michael C. Blumenthal

As a person that was fiercly independent, and carried the weight of a lot of things on my shoulders for many years, this truly does represent what Olin did for me. I can't put into words (without sounding mushier than I already do) what a relief it is now to know that whatever happens or comes along, I AM NOT DEALING WITH IT ALONE. It is the most amazing feeling in the world! And the fact that he knows just when to put his arms back up? Icing on my cake. It is nice to know that no matter what we face or what tries to come between us, that we are a house that stands and holds together. With God in the middle of us, we are stronger than the enemy could ever be.

Olin-Thank you for coming to help me hold up the ceiling. I look forward to holding that ceiling with you for the next 50 years. Our arms may tire, but we will just take shorter turns. Know that there is nobody that I would rather be looking at while I am holding it. I love you...in more ways than you could ever know.

But I Promise I'm Witty!

2010-08-08T22:17:00.000-07:00

I consider myself a sharp, witty girl. Most of the time. I assumed when I started writing this blog that it would be full of humor and sarcasm...and sometimes it is. However, lately I have been in a serious post mood and I can't seem to get out of it. I know that it is directly relational with everything that is going on with my life right now. I guess the reason for me writing this is to let you guys know that the witty wiggins will come back soon....Hopefully. Until then, please enjoy the serious posts...because there are sure to be a few more as I am waiting to see how God works this all out in our lives!

And now...A List

2010-08-04T15:12:00.001-07:00

1. I am not going to even introduce the blog post before I start the list. It is item number 1. There are many little things to say and no cohesive blog post to say them in.

2. After helping people move last night and not stopping until 7am this morning, I don't have many coherent thoughts going on in my brain right now. The wee one is entertaining himself today. (Don't fret-he is 11 so he is more than capable.)

3. It is hard for me to even take a nap still. Even though he knows the rules of not answering the door or going outside and to come get me and daddy if he needs something...and not to use the stove but he can use the microwave....it still makes me nervous. After being up for more than 24 hours I was only able to take a 3 hour nap...most of which he was sleeping for as well. Does this make me a freak? I need to let him have a little responsibility!

4. I am on the phone now and I cannot process a phone conversation and typing. My brain isn't functioning that quick today. I promise to try to lighten things up around here. All of my blogs have been serious. They will probably continue to be that way for a while but I promise that, like Justin, I'm bringing humor back. Soon my blogger friends, soon. (I just typed blogger as blooger...You are all my blooger friends. Doesn't that make you feel loved?)

Until next time peeps....

The Men In My Life

2010-08-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

The other week I was sitting in church and as my husband reached for my hand it hit me. Life is good. In the every day running of life, I tend to get bogged down and look for the next thing that I am expecting God to make happen. I miss out on what He has given me now.

I wasn't only sitting beside fabulous friends to my left, but beside me I had my husband and the wee 11 year old. Since I have found this church, I literally will be driving down the road at times and day dream about how wonderful it would be to have my earthly father go to church with me. Just one time. When I was a little girl and lived in Louisiana, I was baptized at 11 years old. I remember constantly peeking out from the doors at the front of the sanctuary and asking friends if my dad had came. He promised he would, and he did show up. Not only was the baptism the highlight of the night, but my dad was there to watch and support me. For a little girl that doesn't have that support from her dad, this was momentous. This is the only time that my dad has ever attended church with me. Fast forward a bunch of years and I still want that. He doesn't live near me so I am not peeking out the door wondering if he will show up, but I wonder how amazing it would be for him to attend Elevation. I wonder if it would rock his world like it has mine. I wonder if the message that he would hear would be the one that changed his life. I wonder if he realizes that if he were to come to accept Christ as his Saviour, that would be the greatest gift he could ever give me.

When I was sitting beside my husband in church the other day, I began to realize that it is ok to pray for a better life for my father. It is ok that I am sometimes sad that I didn't have a prominent male role model in my life growing up. However, at the same time I need to remember that He is already in my tomorrow. He is my portion. He makes sure I have exactly what I need. When my husband reached for my hand during worship, I realized I have my protector, best friend, provider, lover, help mate, cheerleader, and soul mate. What I didn't get from my earthly father growing up, my heavenly Father provided (even though I couldn't see it.) What I missed by not having men in my life growing up, He cultivated in Olin to provide that for me with a side helping of soul mate. And when I look next to my husband to the 11 year old, I am reminded that He has given Olin and I a chance to further His kingdom. He trusts me with part of that job. He trusts me to raise Seth to be a man that is unlike my earthly father.

When I look back at childhood now and get a little sad about not having dad around, I look beside of me in church, or in the bed, or around the house and I see the two men in my life. And I am reminded that even then, He was shaping me to be what I needed to be to deserve these two. I am reminded that He is, and always has been, in my tomorrows. His portion is enough. His portion is more than I could ever dream for myself.

And I am reminded that I am very thankful for that.

F Bomb

2010-07-21T08:07:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I need to post about the f-bomb series at church the last two weeks. I said I was going to post about it. I NEED to write about it to work through all of it myself.

I cannot figure out how to write about it.

I feel like if I say everything I need to or want to, that I may as well just put up the link to the sermon because the entire thing needs to be quoted. (www.elevationchurch.org Click on media and then sermon archives and then the f-bomb icon) I also question that if I bring up things that have happened to me-am I just reliving it and allowing that situation to hurt me all over again-or is it in the name of working through it? I am also very convicted of gossipping now. Would I be gossipping if I talked about it online? Even if I changed names? Also-and this one is HUGE-I need to identify areas where I have been the one to hurt people. What do I need forgiveness for from people? It's not just about what all I have had done to me. What have I done to other people in the wake of my hurt...while I was out seeking justice?

Maybe soon I will write about it. Every time I think about it the wall of writers block gets higher and thicker. I will leave you with a few quotes from the sermons. These are what I remember...so they may not be exact quotes and if Pastor Steven isn't the original author, I apologize. I am giving him the credit-lol.

*Unforgiveness is like eating rat poison and expecting the other person to die.

*The forgiven forgive.

*Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free...and finding out the prisoner was you.

*We come to the Kings court expecting grace for all we have done wrong. When someone has wronged us, we expect justice.

*Forgiving someone isn't forfeiting justice. It is guaranteeing it.

*Give up on the hope for a better past. If you catch up to it, what are you going to do with it? It is bigger than you. Go back in the house, under the protection of a soverign God, and let Him...who IS big enough...handle it for you.

*Living at peace with someone doesn't mean living in partnership with that person. Sometimes separation is the only way you are able to forgive.

There are more. This series blew my mind, rocked my world....made me think like nothing has in a really long time. (It was about time I knocked the cobwebs off the brain..lol). I will get out my notes and when the post comes to me, you will have it here for your reading pleasure. In the meantime, please check out the sermons! He says it so much better than I ever could!

Tuesday Tidbits...Take Two

2010-07-20T07:44:00.000-07:00

1. I need to blog about our most recent sermon series at church. I think because I have so much that I need to work through with it, I am hitting a wall of writers block. I decided a list would maybe break me back into the writing world.

2. We are still at home. We should have left out yesterday but our truck is in the shop. Not sure about today yet...we aren't sure when they are going to be finished working on it.

3. I had a FABULOUS weekend! Seth, Olin, and I had real quality time together. I long for more weekends like that! We had great family come in on Friday. Saturday, we went to church. Saturday night, Olin and I went "unplugged" and had great quiet time together. Seth and I made cupcakes, we all three played with water rockets, painted, etc. Good memories~!

4. It was sad that Shane, David, and Kealey couldn't stay longer. Work duty calls, though. Hopefully, soon, we will have a repeat and they can spend the weekend!

5. We are in the final countdown before school starts. I hope we get it all together!

6. There will be a middle school student in my house. Send back-up help immediately. His math is officially over my head. Amen.

7. Can you tell I have severe writers block? I also struggle with procrastination. My house needs to be cleaned-desperately. I am on the computer taking care of things...like blogging and facebook...so I don't have to do it yet.

8. This may be the time that I don't have a list of 10 things. I think I am going to take the pressure off of myself and say it's ok to stop at 8. I hope you all have a great day and I promise to come back soon with a post that will have some substance to it. Maybe. :)

Whose team are you on?

2010-07-09T05:03:00.000-07:00

I may anger some people with this post. Before you read, please remember that this is MY blog....therefore, MY opinions. You are entitled to have your own.
Now that the disclaimer is out of the way...lol...

I hear everyone walking around arguing about whose team they are on: Team Edward or Team Jacob. I have never read the books. I have never watched the movies. My husband and I have agreed that they will never be read or watched in our home. Then how do I know the main characters names, you ask? BECAUSE. IT. IS. EVERYWHERE. And I'm sick of it. I am tired of walking into Wal-Mart and seeing more bookshelves filled with books on vampires than with anything else. I am tired of the posters. I am tired of all of the magazine articles about the actors and what they are doing. I. DON'T. CARE. That may sound a little harsh, but I am telling you that if we were able to saturate the media with things about God as much as they are allowed to saturate the media with things about vampires, I may not be on a rant.

The thing I don't understand is this: Why does everyone think it's ok to be infatuated with vampires? I am concerned with the amount of adults that have been sucked into this, but I want to address the fact that parents allow their children to watch this and be sucked in. We, as adults, can watch things or read things and discern what is right and wrong in it. However, children do not have the ability to discern what we do. They take things in and internalize them, and process them in different ways than what we do. Why, then, would parents allow their teenage girls to watch this? Why would they let their little girl watch something where a girl changes herself for a man? If your daughter started dating someone that asked her to change for him (or that she had to change for) and someone that prevented her from seeing other guys because he was scared she would find something better out there YOU WOULD BE LIVID. So why are you going to let her watch a movie that promotes that and glorifies that????? I was told the other day that little girls were online talking about wanting to find "their Edward". WHY ARE YOU NOT ANGRY OVER THIS????? And we can talk about the little girls not needing to watch it for obvious reasons...but there is a reason boys shouldn't watch it either. It is our job as parents to teach our children how to behave and to teach them how to be productive adults. Take a moment and think about your own spouse. It was their parents responsibility to raise him (or her) and help shape them into the person they are now. Their parents taught them how to treat people in general, and people of the opposite sex. Aren't there a few things you wish they would have done differently? It is our job to raise boys to be productive people as adults, but also to teach them how to be a good husband. Why would you let them watch something with someone like Edward in it and know that he is glorified? I can assure you that if he treats his future wife like that, she will not appreciate it.

Parents need to realize that it's the little things that add up that we expose our children to that shape and mold them into who they are to become. That is a HUGE responsibility. One that some people take lightly. Every decision that you make as far as what they listen to or watch should be weighed with caution. If you decide not to let them watch something that turns out to be harmless, it is not going to kill them because they never saw it. Making sure your child sees a show or a movie does not make or break their world. I don't know when society started behaving like it was. If there are any doubts about it at all, don't let them watch it!!!!! It's not rocket science, people, and censoring children from shows and music never killed any of them.

I am convinced that if people put as much effort into pouring religion into the main stream media that lives could be changed. If they took the effort that they put into pre-ordering release movie tickets, standing in line for dvd releases, book releases, etc. and put it into their city to promote the gospel the world could be changed.

I could go on about this all day long. It is one of my soap box issues. My great friend, Jonathan, wrote a post that probably reads better and makes more sense...lol....over on his blog.... www.jlwide.blogspot.com. You should take a minute and check it out. Until then....I know whose team I am going to be on. No long decision making process here. Whose team are you going to be on?

Restoration

2010-07-05T05:58:00.001-07:00

We are finally home. And I woke up at 6:30 this morning. ??? What in the world is wrong with me?!?! Not only did I wake up at the crack of dawn, I woke up and started in on a house project that is long overdue. Second sign that I have a problem...lol.

In my dining room of our little apartment, I have a corner hutch. I believe my great-great-great uncle built it for my great-grandmother and it is probably around 70 years old. (Not exactly sure of the age...just guessing here). As I started scraping off layers of contact paper and years of paint this morning, I couldn't help but peel back some memories of my childhood. They are starting to fade a bit, so I decided I should put them down in writing before I forget completely.

I was raised mainly by my great grandmother. Granny Kiser, as she is often referred to, was the one constant in my life for many, many years. I may have forgotten a lot of things but I don't think I will ever forget her smell. She always smelled of baby powders and sweat. Ever the lady, but she worked hard. That's what her smell makes me think of. I will never forget her hands. She always had nails. Her hands were wrinkled but her skin was thin and felt as smooth as glass. Her fingers were slim but you could tell they had seen years of hard work and diapering babies. She always wore house dresses. I never saw her in pants. Ever. Some of her house dresses were worn so thin you could about see through them. It was what she loved. We had one tiny bathroom with a clawfoot tub-no shower-so she bathed standing up and washed her hair in the sink. She had perfectly white hair and she rolled it every Saturday night. You know-it had to be fixed for church on Sunday mornings. And she rolled it in metal rollers no less. Her earlobes were thin and I loved to sit on her lap and rub them. She was never too busy to let me and to "nuss" me as she called it (this consisted of letting me sit on her lap and she would bounce me and listen to me talk about nothing important...but to her at that time it was the most important thing in the world). She was a great woman of God and even though I strayed for many years, she laid the foundation that led me to making the greatest decision ever of accepting Jesus Christ as my Saviour.

I'd like to talk a few minutes about the house I grew up in. It was white...nothing fancy at all. It was traditionally built to be a one bedroom house, but as grandkids became plentiful, she turned her dining room and formal living room into more bedrooms. You see-at Granny Kisers house there was always room for one more person. On the back porch, she always had her washer and dryer. She used the washer plenty of times, but never that dryer. We had two long clothes lines that stretched the length of the concrete drive and we hung clothes out...every day...unless it was raining. I'm not sure I remember all the lessons that were taught to me under that old clothes line but I do know there were many. In her kitchen, there was still a flour bin built into her cabinets. Windows right over the single sink where she would wash dishes in a metal wash tub and rinse them on the side. The dining room table was one that held thousands of meals and always had some type of food on it. Sundays were always baked bbq chicken and all the sides. And she left them out on the table for hours covered up. Anyone stopping by was pleaded with to eat something. She wasn't happy until you ate. (This fact is proven by the way I look today..ha!) In the formal living room was the upright piano that sits at my moms today. That piano bench has seen more kids behinds while she tried to teach us to play. One of my biggest regrets is never learning. I remember her going in and playing from time to time, though, and I can't say that I remember hymns sounding more beautiful than they did coming from that room. The den always held a deep freezer and a television. (No cable here!) And this corner hutch. She used the bottom for storing food and the top for whatever it needed to hold. I remember for years my baby shoes sitting it, my mothers china sitting in it. My rainbow brite pony sitting in it. (I gave my first one away in kindergarten in exchange for a "diamond" ring...lol. When mom bought me a new one it was guarded very carefully!) I remember the black and white tile floor and the braided oval rug.... I remember the shades (the kind that roll up and you pull down) and her chair sitting in front of those windows. That chair still exists and I promise you can sit in it and still feel her. She ate in that chair, did crafts in that chair, talked and visited in that chair, rolled her hair from that chair, and prayed. Boy, did she ever pray in that chair. There was a small closet in this room that always held toys. I can still smell it to this day. You could open it up and there would be toys piled from the bottom to the top of it. The other closet in this room was always hers. I can still see her shoes hanging on the shoe rack over the door. The rack was full of Sunday dresses and house dresses. I loved to stand in that closet and feel all of her clothes. It smelled like her.

I just realized how long this post is and I still have a couple rooms left. Maybe I will post about them tomorrow. I guess working on this hutch just has me remembering and hoping. I hope she sees me. I hope she sees the woman that I am now and I hope it makes her proud. I hope she is proud to see her hutch in my tiny apartment...where I live with my little family. Where we pray. Where we always offer people food. Where we work. Where I am trying to raise Seth and teach him the same lessons she taught me. The little apartment where we try every day to put God first like she did.

I hope she likes it.

Tuesdays Tidbits

2010-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

Good morning, all....from sunny California! Actually, it is raining here. And the locals? They freak out in rain like Carolinians freak out in an inch of snow. Ahem.......Not much time so you will get a list.

1. I am currently "borrowing" internet from the place we are delivering. It is unsecured wifi so that can't be stealing, right?

2. I am assuming since it is a place of work, they had a little trouble with their employees on the internet and they blocked facebook. I thought about asking them to unblock it for me but if you refer back to number 1, you will see why I didn't.

3. If my allergies didn't hate me out here, and the liberals weren't so plentiful, I would pack up tomorrow and move to San Diego. Yes....you read that right. It feels like spring time and it is beyond wonderful. It warms my heart.

4. My lovely church Elevation (www.elevationchurch.org) is having an Americana theme this coming Sunday and after the 11:15 service there will be a carnival. Not sure if we will make it but if you are in the Charlotte area you should check it out! As Sheyna said...they don't do anything halfway so I can only imagine it will be wonderful~

5. Speaking of Elevation.....The Sunday after next they will begin a series called "The "F" Bomb". I'll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor. Back yet? The F stands for forgiveness and people-I am about to crawl out of my skin waiting on it to start. There are many people in my life who I have tried to forgive through the years but somehow I am still in bondage from my past. I want to shout about this series from the rooftops because I feel like it will be life changing for some people. Please check it out online if you aren't in the Charlotte area. www.elevationchurch.org. Go to media and then sermon archive. The sermons are posted the day after they are preached.

6. Speaking of the aforementioned series...I think I am going to blog all the way through it. I think it will be my constructive way of working through it. To be quite honest, I am a little nervous about it. I am expecting it to challenge me and pull me in directions that I have never gone before. I am giddy like a school girl. I want nothing more than to be free of bondage from my past...and I can assure you that my husband wants that for me too. And I want it for him.

7. I apologize (well, not really) for rambling so much about the series. I CANNOT CONTAIN THE EXCITEMENT.

8. Seth was accepted into the 6th grade in the charter school! We were a little worried because students that have been in traditional public schools are usually a bit behind charter school students. We have some work to do with him over the summer to get him totally up to speed, but she says we should be good in the fall!

9. The last time we were home we travelled. Which we were expecting. The time before that we ended up being gone the entire time we were home. That was unexpected. This time when we get home? Olin has informed everyone that if they want to see us they will have to come to our house. If I don't deep clean soon, I am afraid that the health department will shut my house down. I say we are living in filth. Some people would tell you I am being a bit melodramatic. However, if it motivates me to clean, I am erring on the side of drama. Just sayin'.

10. I always end with ten. Why break habit now? If you are still reading it is an absolutel miracle. Please be praying that Olin and I are led to jobs that will allow us to provide for our family (off the road) and that we find them in a timely manner. I know our timing isn't always God's timing.....I am just hoping He sees it the same way I do. Hey...didn't say I was a perfect christian.....Just keepin' it real. I know the job market is a difficult one right now, but He has opened every other door to allow us to come off the road and make major changes in our lives. We are trusting that He has already made provisions for work.

Thanks for reading....See you all again sometime really soon........Hopefully, sooner than later. I am trying to get better with the whole blogging thing. We'll see if it works out.....

Why wait one more hour?

2010-06-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Olin,

Technically, it is the night before Father's day. It won't start for one more hour. But why wait? :) I am nothing, if not impatient.

I want to start by saying that you are a wonderful father. I watch you grow as a man of God and a father to Seth every day and I am honored to be a part of that journey with you. I love to see Seth when we go to pick him up and he comes running out of the house yelling..."Daddy!!!" The look on his face is priceless, and one I hope that neither one of us ever forget. As we begin to navigate the waters of pre-teens, know that he won't always have that look. There will be days when he hates us. And that will mean that we are doing our job. At the end of the day, know that we are not here on earth to teach him to love us...we are here on earth to teach him to love Him. That will be all that's important.

One of my favorite things to do is walk into Seth's room and "catch" you guys with ten million legos laid out on the floor....you and Seth both laying on your bellies...creating some type of genius structure with plastic little blocks. Little blocks that, when I have to take them apart eventually will make my fingers raw! I am not sure of all the conversations that take place on the bedroom floor of our tiny apartment but I am sure they are conversations that Seth will remember for a lifetime.

If there is one thing that makes me sad this Fathers Day it is this: that I have not made you a father yet. Something about me is broken. You and I both know that God can fix it and that He can make it happen. Usually I am good with it....but I can't help but to think what you would look like the first time you held our child in the delivery room. The first time you changed their diaper. You holding those tiny little hands in your large ones as they learn to take their first steps. You see....I am honored to watch you be a father to Seth. I am sad that I missed all those times of seeing you with a baby. For this-and for maybe never making you a father to a second child-I am truly sorry. Another child deserves to have you to help raise them and teach them. If it never happens, I will rest in the knowledge that God knows what he is doing and I am not in control of that. Eventually. For now, I guess it's ok to hope.

Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me what a father looks like. To the love of my life. I hope your day is as amazing as it can be (while we are at work).....I promise a celebration with the little one when we get home!

I love you with all my heart,
Courtney

Of Monkeys and Men

2010-06-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Seth,

It is 8:38pm on Wednesday night. I don't think you are thinking about it as much as I am, but tonight is the last night you will ever be in elementary school. As of tomorrow at 10:30 in the morning, you will be a young man.

As your elementary years come to an end, it is hard to wrap my brain around all that you accomplished during them. You may not realize it now, but the foundation of who you are has been formed in the last 6 years. I wasn't around from the beginning of them but some things you did learn that I know will serve you as you grow into adulthood are these:

Share! When you started school, you learned that the world didn't just include you all day long. There are places where community things have to be shared-like it or not. While this isn't always an easy thing to learn when you start school, it is true throughout your life. The main thing to take away from this lesson is this: God gives you gifts. He had plans for you before you were even here. These gifts aren't all about you. It is all about making His kingdom grow! These gifts are yours to share!!!! If you hide it away only for yourself, it will do you absolutely no good.

Alarm Clocks! You learned to hate them....lol! You learned that discipline means that you need to go to bed earlier because you HAVE to get up for school each week morning. You may not like it-but this helps prepare you for later in life when you have to get up to go to a job or college. As you get older and more independent, it is crazy to think of you waking up to your own alarm clock and doing it all by yourself....but isn't this our job as parents? To teach you how to do these things so that one day you can do them on your own? Because I can say that I really don't like it. I'll do it-b/c I have to but I don't like it!

Education- We, along with everyone else you have encountered, have pounded into your brain that your education is one of the most important things you will ever achieve. Education unlocks doors for you that nothing else can. Always remember that people can take everything away from you-all of your material posessions-but they cannot take away what you have learned. That is yours to keep. With that being said, I promise that me and your daddy will do the best to expose you (and your brain) to things that are true. We promise to do our best to steer you towards the right path and support you in decisions you make concerning this. You see, education isn't all about text books. It is also learning about where you came from and where you are going. It is learning about what God did for you and everyone else. It's learning that everyone-including all of your family-will let you down. We will all fail you. God is the only one that will not. While you may not learn this in a classroom, Daddy and I promise to teach you this at home. This is the most important thing that nobody can take away from you. Always hold this truth the closest to your heart. We know that this only gets harder to hold onto the older you get, and peer pressure will try to convince you that it is uncool to believe. We promise to pray every single day that you become a man of God that will continue to stand up for what you know is right.

Bullying-I struggled with whether or not I was going to address this or not. However, I decided that if I wanted this around for you to read years later, this needed to be recorded. You can take tons of lessons away from the things that you have encountered this year. There will be bullies in life. There will be mean people that just want to take what you have or make you feel like less of a person. This stands VERY true in Christianity. There will be people that don't like you simply because you are a christian. They will say hurtful things. Please know that this is just because they want what you have. I am not saying that this will not be a struggle. Even if you know why they are mean...at the end of the day it doesn't make it hurtful or hard to deal with. But know this-Your value and worth...everything that you are and do.....is held solely by God. You will never find your self worth in a person or material things.

I will end with those three. This post is getting long...but there is more to say. I am sure I will say it all at some point in time.....but as you get ready for bed....I can't help but feel like a chapter of you is closing. Rest assured-a bigger chapter is opening! One that we are all anticipating! But tomorrow as you walk the hall of that elementary school for the last time as a student remember this: You may be turning into a young man....but you will always be my monkey. I love you and will be praying for you during all of these transitions! The best is yet to come!

Love Always,
Mama Monkey

Minus a Title

2010-06-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

This will be a post without a title. I don't have one. I don't have the energy to come up with a creative one. Just deal with it. Please?

Ok. I work on lists, people. I have actually thought of changing my blog to one that has posts that are all in list format. I love this idea until I think of something profound I would like to write that won't fit in a list format. Then I change my mind. Here goes:

1. We are home for a couple of days. We are going to spend the evening with a certain 11 year old monkey that I'm dying to see. Soon.

2. We checked out a charter school for said monkey this morning. They amazingly had a couple of openings in the grade that he is going into...and every other grade has a waiting list. Now just to decide if that is the best for him....

3. Caroline is healing well from her surgery. She is sad that she will never give me granddogs, but her husband Artie understands. This seems to help with her hormonal menopausal symptoms. Therapy may still be needed. We'll let you know.

4. I need to get going on the gathering of all of my yard sale things. My house is a wee bit more cluttered than I would like for it to be. That problem will solved as soon as possible.

5. If any readers homeschool, please let me know what cirriculum you use. We are looking to supplement school in the fall and for work in the summer. Monkey doesn't know this.....I think I'll keep it as a surprise....

6. The hubs and I are looking for jobs in the area...and we hopefully got some great leads this morning. Praying that they pan out in the time frame we need them too. We know God isn't pacing the floors of Heaven, so we will try not to wear a path in our living room carpet either. In His time.....In His time.....(I'm currently chanting this)

7. I normally don't end on odd numbers, but I can't think of anything else that I need to say right now. I need to get packed to head towards the in-laws for the evening and get the dogs bag packed. I need to switch laundry out and keep working towards getting re-packed to head back to work. Millions of little things to do and not enough time! Maybe there will be a better post later tonight?

Resistance

2010-05-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

*Resistance is fiercest when you're on the border of a breakthrough.*

I am being stretched and challenged in ways I have never been before. I feel like my spirit of discernment is weak. Our pastor said the other week that resistance was the fiercest when you are on the border of a breakthrough. I believe it. God is working big time in my life-every aspect of it. And the devil is working the night shift. I sometimes have a hard time maintaining my perspective of that. Generally, I regain perspective. However, it's not before I have allowed people and situations to get me all worked up and achieve what they were shooting for.

My prayer tonight is that I would regain perspective on people and situations quicker. I pray that the devil gets out of trying to mess with my marriage. Between Olin and I-and most of all God-we WILL NOT let him win. I am thankful for all of these situations. I know that I will come out on the other side stronger in my walk with God and that alone will make it all worth it. But to be honest-I am getting weary. If the construction of this post is no example, let me assure you that I am weary. I have asked God to pull me in ways He never has before. I can personally attest to the fact that I am pulled as tight as a rubber band right now.

There is something great on the other side of this. I know that I will know my God like I have never known Him when this is all over. And I know there will be more situations like this in my life that challenge me and my relationship with Him. I do not know when this particular season in my life will be over. I do not know what else God has in store for me to teach me lessons. I do not know when the devil will back off and give me a break. I do not know when I will feel at peace with everything going on around me.

The one thing I do know? The thing that keeps me going? I DO KNOW IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT. That I know without a doubt.

I am sorry that this post is not in a tidy little box with a pretty ribbon tied around it. There are things I talked about here that I will never understand on this side of Heaven. Some parts of this post do not follow any other parts. But, take it or leave it, I can guarantee you that it is real. It is authentic. It is my heart.

Please keep me and my family in your prayers as we enter what is proving to be both the hardest, and most rewarding, season so far.

11 years old

2010-05-21T04:23:00.000-07:00

*This post is a day late. I think Olins was a couple days late. Maybe I'll make that my new tradition. In addition to typing birthday posts for my favorite people, I will post them late. It's really the new fad. :)*

Dear Monkey,

You are 11 years old now!!!!! I remember when I first met you. You were 8 years old, full of mischief, and cute as a button!

Not a lot has changed...except the numbers! You are growing into an awesome young man. We have recently started attending church in Charlotte, NC at Elevation and you love it! I love that it spurs on quite a few conversations between you and I about the greatest story ever told! I will admit here that this is the part of parenting that scares me. I want to be able to expose you to everything you need in order to grow spiritually. That's the easy part. I want to find ways to keep you fired up and sold out to God-that's the questionable part! We must be doing something right-at least for now-because you asked to take all of your friends to church after your birthday party! I love seeing what God is doing in your heart and in your life. As a pre-teen, there are some murky waters that you are getting ready to navigate. For several more years!~ Please never lose sight of God. He is the one that will get you through whatever it is, and along the way He is giving you situations that will grow you as a person, and grow your relationship with Him. Above even all of us-He is the one that loves you the absolute most and wants to give you His best for your life.

You are getting into so many different interests right now. We are talking about karate and basketball, you love to try to cook things yourself now, you still read like you wouldn't be able to breathe without a book, and you still love your Legos! Last night you helped daddy grill hot dogs for your birthday! I nicknamed you "Bobby Flay". It made you blush. (For the record-I love making you blush!) With your reading, the one thing that makes my heart do a little dance is when I get you and daddy new magazines or books at the store, come home, and we all sit on the couch in silence and read. We didn't plan for this to ever happen. You or your daddy neither one can wait to open a new book and dig in! The couch is the closest thing the the door...Ha! And your legos-If your father is any indication you will never outgrow these. That's another thing that warms my heart. To see you and your daddy laying in your bedroom floor or spread out at the kitchen table building Legos. You guys could do this for hours-as you have proven over and over again! There have been so many legos in your floor that the most responsible way for us to pick them up was with a broom and dustpan! I love that you love to tinker!

You will be in sixth grade in a few short months. Middle School! This is a grade/age that many kids will start to feel insecure about who they are. Please never lose sight of the fact that you are a child of God first, which right away makes you awesome...and that you are loved by a lot of people. It doesn't matter what you have or don't have. Objects do not define you as a person. Your heart does. And I love the definition of You!!!!!

I will quit rambling now. I just feel like there is so much I want to tell you and it is all coming out very jumbled. Never forget that I love you. I may not have carried you and gave birth to you-but you are my son. As much as you are anybody else's. I don't promise to do this pre-teen thing right. I will make mistakes. I do promise you to try to do my best and to listen to you when you have concerns. I promise to try to be the coolest step-mom ever. (In this case, I will probably do some things that will embarass the hound out of myself! All in the name of coolness, of course.) I promise to do my best everyday to set a good example for you in your relationship with Christ. I promise to have fun with you. And I promise to look back on the mistakes I will make, and we will laugh together.

I love you monkey! I can't wait for your birthday party tomorrow! (Pictures of that to come!)

Love,

Mama Monkey

May Meanderings

2010-05-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Well, the month of May has turned out to be a little busy for our little family. Not too much that is notable, so to speak, but things that have kept me away from a lot of time with the computer. Surprise-I am going to list them. I can't help it. Lists are my crutch. My way of not having to construct readable paragraphs. It's how I roll.

1. For the first time in my life, I have jury duty. I can't talk about anything until it is over, but it is simultaneously boring and interesting. Bet you didn't think that would ever happen, did you?

2. Caroline had her surgery yesterday. :( Downside: She is a little doggie in a lot of pain. Upside: I will never have to deal with her going into heat. I'm afraid the OCD in me couldn't handle it. Ugh..the germs! She is perkier today than she was yesterday so things are looking up.

3. Did you ever see the movie G.I. Jane? If you did, did it make you want to leave the theatre and shave your head and blow things up? Well-the sermon at church on Sunday made me want to leave the church bldg and do something! It was very convicting and thought provoking. Go take a gander at www.elevationchurch.org. Click on Media/Sermon Archives and it is the only sermon listed under the E Series. Poke around some of the other ones too. They are guaranteed to knock your socks off!

4. My 10 year old step-son asked to take his friends to church after his bday party. Needless to say, we are now trying to work out how we can legally transport those boys to Charlotte. God will make a way...and I am praising Him for how he is working in Seth's heart! I pray every day that I am given the things to say and do from Him, so that I can continue to provide and encourage Seth in his walk with God. It is exciting to watch his faith unfold!

5. Speaking of the boys bday party.....there will be several little boys in my house overnight on Saturday night. Send reinforcements from the mental ward...STAT! Nah..they are all really good boys and they will have a blast (I hope!) and Seth is excited about turning 11. He is growing up waaay too fast!

6. Also back to the bday party......it is all planned for outside..and there is a huge chance of thunderstorms! We are praying the forecast changes......at least to rain instead of storms. The boys can play in the rain-just not in thunder or lightning. We will see what happens!

Ok...I think that is it for today. I am exhausted and I think I am going to take a nap before American Idol. Maybe I'll even do a post about them with BooMama tonight. Stay tuned to find out!!!!!!! I hope everyone is having an amazing week......Talk to you all soon!

Two posts in one day?

2010-05-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

What in the world am I thinking? I wanted to post this one the other day, but didn't have internet access. Go figure.

Dear Olin,

Today you celebrate your 32nd birthday!!!!! I am sorry that we have to celebrate it at work, but just remember that we are working towards a bigger common goal right now.

In your 31st year, we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary! I never imagined I would get married, much less to a man as wonderful as you are. I know there are tons of people that say that about their husbands but when I say it I know it really is the truth. I don't know how I ever deserved someone like you, but I sure am glad that God crossed His arms on that one! You truly are a blessing in my life and in the lives of people all around you. You face every day...no matter how hard it is showing itself to be...with a rigid determination to push through it and see the silver lining. You definitely are my opposite on that one!

As our small family faces a lot of changes in the coming months, please remember this: No matter how upset, stressed, tired, or cranky I get....I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love nothing more these days than spending a night in at home with "my boys"......you and the monkey! I am so excited to see what God is doing in and through our family! He has so much in store for us in this new season in our lives. Just imagine what I will be writing for your 32nd!

I love you "GL"........Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world....

Love,
Courtney

May I Have Your Attention, Please?

2010-05-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

Ahem....Now that we're all here. I have a little announcement to make. I think it's time for a major change on the ol' blog here. I want to change the name, the look (well, maybe not my layout b/c I'm in love with it. Seriously.), the purpose, etc. I just want a fresh bloggy start. So....here's the deal. I'm going to come up with a new name and address for the new blog within the next day or so. Please email me and I will give you all of the new info! You know you wanna....

Also-I would like to announce that the submissive buffet will be closing as of right now. For those of you who don't know me, I struggle with stepping back and letting my husband take the reigns of our household. In the past few months, I have extracted a couple unhealthy friendships from my world. The change is great-as I feel like it was becoming a very tense situation. My attitude over all of the drummed up drama? Not so great. My husband has asked me to quit mulling over it. He says it is holding me back spiritually. He asked me to cut all ties. I agree...through gritted teeth. So....let's all sing a little praise and worship song for me taking the first step in letting my husband take control! Now-if I could just hand over the finances......

Me starting a new blog is my first step in starting a new chapter in my life. One that is hopefully full of authentic Christian growth as I learn how to fall more in love with my Saviour every day! So...email me for the new blog link...You know you don't wanna miss it! Thank you guys for all of your support!

I am trying to think of a catchy title...but, alas....it eludes me

2010-05-07T18:50:00.000-07:00

I am trying to think of a title so I can begin doing a weekly post on Fridays, sort of like a Friday wrap-up. I don't want to call it the Friday wrap-up. I want it to be catchy. And all the words to start with the same letter. I really can't explain why. It's the crazy in me.

Anyway..here it goes..in list format.

1. I am going to ATTEMPT to post each Friday. For your viewing pleasure it will be in list format. And guess what? It will be a wrap up from the week. Surprised? Thought so. I have to make my lists 10 items long. No less, no more. It's the other crazy in me.

2. We celebrated Olin's birthday last night with dinner (homemade white sauce chicken enchiladas and pico de gallo.....) and had a blast. I'm exhausted....but it was totally worth it. His real bday is on Sunday and we will be gone to work so we partied early. By partied I mean we had birthday cake and ice cream. What can I say? We are the type of people who like to live on the edge.

3. I feel like I should make a public service announcement and tell you that you can find the recipes for the white sauce chicken enchiladas and pico de gallo over at thepioneerwoman.com under her cooking section of the blog. You cannot find the cardiologist you will need after you eat this there. You will have to google that all on your own. Sorry. It'll be worth it, though.

4. We are now fully in the midst of planning the birthday party debacle of 2010 for Seth. His bday is May 20th but we are doing his party on the 22nd. Please start sending your prayers up now. I will have 8 little boys in my house...all day and all night...for a sleepover/camping party. Now-I don't like disorganization or nature. So I am facing the battle of having them in the house and deal with the stickymuddydirtydisorganization or go outside with them and deal with all the nature. I may need to be on some sort of nerve pill before I make this decision.

5. I am considering making Seth and Olin share a party next year. After last night, and I am sure after the 22nd, I will force this option on them. Democratic household? Not a chance.

6. I would like to take a moment here on this old blog and wish all the Mothers who read this a Happy Mothers Day! I know that only consists of less than a handful of people, but still. I hope you all have a great day!

7. Speaking of the old blog, do you love the new look as much as I do? Sometimes during the day I pull it up just to look at the happy background and admire the pictures of my people on the right sidebar. Just saying. Those were taken by Amy Beth at www.ministrysofabulous.com. Shoot her an email if you are interested in her work! I would say I would connect you with her myself, but my schedule is looking a little full lately. You're on your own, kiddo.

8. I have recently crossed into unchartered territory while trying to learn to parent an almost 11 year old. I won't go into details, lest he eventually reads this blog when he is grown and kills me in my sleep. Just saying that I am glad to have his dad around. That's all.

9. The last sermon in the "where are they now" series over at elevationchurch.org is titled "when God crossed His arms"...and it is worth checking out. They had a guest pastor from Seattle, WA and anything I write here about that message could not ever do it justice. Go check it out! When you get to the site, go under Media on the top bar, then to Sermon Archives and it will bring up all of his series. Just click on Where Are They Now and it will show each sermon in that series. Worth watching all of it.....Just saying.

10. I am now going to say goodbye to the internet for a while. We are headed back to work very shortly and I need to sign off and be productive. Blech.... I hope you all have a fantabulous weekend and I'll be back sooner than last time! Promise! (Maybe)

Wheat or Weed?

2010-04-26T21:35:00.000-07:00

Matthew 13:24-30 says: " 24-26 He told another story. "God's kingdom is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field. That night, while his hired men were asleep, his enemy sowed thistles all through the wheat and slipped away before dawn. When the first green shoots appeared and the grain began to form, the thistles showed up, too.

27"The farmhands came to the farmer and said, 'Master, that was clean seed you planted, wasn't it? Where did these thistles come from?'

28"He answered, 'Some enemy did this.'

"The farmhands asked, 'Should we weed out the thistles?'

29-30"He said, 'No, if you weed the thistles, you'll pull up the wheat, too. Let them grow together until harvest time. Then I'll instruct the harvesters to pull up the thistles and tie them in bundles for the fire, then gather the wheat and put it in the barn.'"

God has recently been doing a lot of weeding in my life, and boy is He finding creative ways of doing it! Pastor Steven Furtick preached on this in his first sermon in the series called "Where are they now?". He talked about how when God is working in your life, the enemy is always working the night shift. That's why, when you think everything is about to get easier, everything may seem to fall apart. And in essence, some things may. However, we need to trust God that the things that seem to fall apart do so for a reason. You see-in this farmers field, as in any, when the weeds and wheat first start growing, they all look alike. How in the world would you know yourself which to pull up? God is pretty much telling us to let him do it. Give him the job of pulling out the weeds in your life and He will know exactly what to pull and what to leave.

I'll give you a moment to let that all sink in.

In beginning this series, Pastor Steven didn't know he would be throwing bricks at me....and showing me things that I needed to see a long time ago. The second sermon in the series talks about Spiritual Hearing Loss. Can I get an amen????? He pointed out that a lot of times, we hear God well on one frequency or another. In the frequencies that is easy to hear Him. However-when it is that middle frequency, or the one hardest to hear, where He may call us to difficult obedience, a lot of times we willfully tune him out. We only hear Him when it is easy. Man-that was a brick if ever I saw one. Sometimes in our lives, we only hear what is convenient. "God, I will do what you say or go where you say to go. But this area of my life? The one where I stick my head in the sand and pretend that everything is perfect? I don't need you there. I can handle that one all on my own, thankyouverymuch." And when that happens, you start to gradually get away from heariing Him at all. I don't know about you, but I want to hear His voice every day...in every area of my life. Sure-there are times when I don't want to. And there are times when I fight him tooth and nail-because I know what He is telling me to do will be the hard road. Thankfully, God doesn't call us to have the faith to finish-He only calls us to have the faith to start. Let's hear that again- God doesn't call us to have the faith to finish. He only calls us to have the faith to start. I can start anything. I can look at something for what it is anytime. If I only have to take that first step, it really reassures me that I can handle, tackle, overcome, or deal with anything He is asking me to. You see-I have come to learn that this is easier than letting something simmer and fester...and create a mountain out of what was only a mole hill.

Well then-Can you now see why I love this church and pastor? His preachings rock my world. He is authentic. He tells the church where he struggles. He has no desire at all to pretend he is perfect himself. He preaches from his own experiences. And I like it. I love it. I want some more of it. I love having "aha" moments in church on Sundays, and realizing what I have been doing wrong so I can fix it.

For now, I will continue to let him pluck my weeds from my wheat. And boy, am I ever ready for the harvest!!!

Weekly....er, Monthly Wrap-up!

2010-04-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I realize I have not, nor have I ever, been a regular blogger. I am going to try to remedy this situation, but I make no promises! We will do a monthly wrap-up/prayer list. 'Cause it's what I do. It's how I roll. Ahem.....

1. I recently posted what I was looking for in a pastor/church. Well-I do so believe I have found it. In Elevation church. In Charlotte. And it is rocking my world. If you are friends with me on facebook, you have probably seen the numerous quotes from sermons on there. The hubs and I are getting ready to start the "New Thur 30" series. We bought the cd's today. We will be reading the New Testament in 30 days. I am preparing to strap myself in and get deep in God's word. For the first time in my life, I am absolutely thirsty for it. Be on watch for more quotes from that one!

2. There are SOOOOOOOOOOO many changes going on in our life and the lives of my closest friends. It is so hard to wrap my head around all of them. Thankfully, I don't have to. I just have to keep walking forward oblivious to what else is around me. As Pastor Steven said today: "Resistance is fiercest when you are on the border of a breakthrough". Ahhhhhhhh.....I need to write that on post-its and paste them around my house.

3. Please, please, please pray for me that I would learn to embrace the people that God has placed in my life FOR. A. REASON. I know that with some of them, it will be a spiritual battle...one that I have the armor for....but the battle will be long and hard. He always finds a way to keep my tank full enough to push through whatever I'm in or facing, but I have a feeling that the things and people I am facing as of recently will be my greatest battle yet. But-He will refine me in the flames. Can I get an amen?

4. We have discovered in the last few weeks that Seth has quite a sharp sense of humor. Now, he has always been a funny kid...but funny in the "quirky" kid sense of the way. But in the last few weeks? He has been coming out with humor akin to that on "The Office". All I can say is.....It makes my heart swell with pride. And that he must have gotten that trait from me. Ha!

5. Praise alert! Praise alert! There is a couple that we are associated with that have been having horrible marital issues for a couple of years now. They are now pursuing interests with the church and seem to be diving in to try and repair their marriage. All I know is that you can tell they have been surrounded in prayer! Praise the Lord!

6. We have some friends that are having a horrible time with their job right now as well. Please add them to your prayer list....You can just pray for T and M....God will know who you are talking about....that they would learn to trust that He will provide. He is enough..... They are in the midst of it, and I know they will see it on the other side. We all know how hard it is to see it in the middle of it, though.

7. Um....that one little Sophie? Sheyna's baby? Well, just let me say..that she is getting to the age that I can relate to. And people? You couldn't handle the preciousness.....You just couldn't handle it. And her big brother Levi is quite the little protector. He told me just today that I couldn't take her home with me. He will definitey change that tune in a few years!

8. We had a trip to Gvegas this week! We met up with some friends-Ashley and Chase (www.supertoddsquad.blogspot.com) (Are you kidding me? Did you really think I would ever accomplish being able to put a link up on here? Oh, ye of little knowledge) (How many parentheses can I use in one post, you ask?) (As many as I want, of course.) I think we had a pretty successful trip down, and hope they did too. We will soon all see!

9. I was going to end the post here, but realized it was an odd number and if I did that I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. SO I will tell you that the hubs and I are having a relaxing night at home now, decompressing from the last few days, watching Armageddon. CAN YOU SPELL DEPRESSING??? We just saw the part where he says goodbye to his daughter. I think I will ask my hot husband to bring me an ice cream cone....because I can eat my emotions away (and this is why I roll) and think of happier things!

10. Ok. I promise to end this rambling post now. My hot husband is looking at me strange b/c I am crying and laughing at the same time. Why do I laugh, you ask? Well that's the "Hot debacle of 2010". You wouldn't get it. Only the other person like me on the face of the earth will. And that's ok. B/c she is my person. And she should get it.

Goodbye and goodnight!

Prayer

2010-04-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

Please go to www.delightfullycliche.com and read about a friend of mine that needs your prayers. I have never "linked up" before...so here goes nothing! You can read the story firsthand over at www.ministrysofabulous.com. There is no way for any of us to know what to say....but God knows what to do. Whatever is supposed to happen is already taken care of for her. Please join me in praying that Amy Beth keeps her eyes on the one that holds her in His hands....that she can remember-even in the darkest hour of this-that God doesn't have a plan B. Thank you for taking the time to read and pray. Let's all watch God work!

*Update: Surprise, surprise...my links in the post didn't work so you will have to type the web address in the old fashioned way....Sorry guys!*

Proving Grounds

2010-04-12T04:58:00.001-07:00

*I have had a post brewing for a couple weeks-and I promise you this blog will take a turn for the happier....Just please indulge me, one more time. Will you? I am worried about being able to get this onto a page where it makes sense. Here's hoping!

There are a lot of changes brewing in the lives of several people that are the closest to me right now. HUGE changes. Not just choosing which color to put on your kitchen wall. Life changes. In the midst of these changes, we are having to all face some really hard things. God is counting on us to listen to Him and build our trust and faith in Him. To say that these changes are increasing our prayer life is the understatement of the century.

Here is a little admission about myself. I don't do tough situations well. I am a "tuck tail and run" kind of girl. Now-I HATE this about myself. So, I am not doing it anymore. End of discussion. I made this decision a couple years ago. The thing I realized though is that I have never been around my friends when things like this start to happen and life gets hard. Really hard. Sure-I have been around for the small things-but never anything of this caliber. I mean, both of the friends closest to me are looking at 180 life changes...and so are we!!! I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do friendship when friendship is truly at its hardest. I know how to do it in theory. Hard times aren't theoretical. I know how to do happy times of rainbows and skittles, too. That's not reality. Fact is-I am learning how to do friendship at it's hardest on a daily basis. Trial by fire, so to speak. I love it. When something happens that's a setback or hard, I'm glad I am there to hear about it. When God works something out on one end and things look better, I am celebrating with them. Why in the world did I ever choose to miss this in my past life? My mother has always taken the easy option, and never would do anything that required work. I want to hunker down and dig in side by side with my friends. I want to see the ugly, the dirty, the pretty, and the victories! I want to get my hands dirty in friendship. I just have to continue learning how to do it. This is a time in my life that I am on the proving grounds for friendship. I have to prove that I can go the distance. I have to prove that I am not going to have mechanical failures that take me into pit row until the hard part is over. And when we all cross that finish line and God's plan for these changes is revealed? Well-I'm just saying that it is going to be one heck of a party with my people.
And there are no different people that I would want to see standing at that finish line.

*PS-You know I married a Nascar husband when I can write a serious post and refer to pit row. What the heck??? When did this happen to me? ;O)

Looking For Home

2010-04-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

My mind is whirling with 10 million things today. Not unusual, but if I quiet myself with Christ, I usually realize that only a couple are of importance. I would like to bend your ear a little and discuss a couple of them here today. It is, after all, MY blog. And I can bend your ear if I wanna-just be forewarned that I am going to do it so if you wanna click to something more interesting....this is your out.

Still here? Ok-here goes.

We are looking for a home church. Granted-we are probably going to be moving in a couple of months, but I would like a regular church to attend in the mean time. I am struggling with not having complete control over the raising of Seth, and it is important to instill the values that we know to be true as much and as well as we can-and put the rest in God's hands. (This is definitely a hard lesson He is teaching me, and I am having a hard time learning. Just being real, people.) I have ran into several problems when we look for churches. They are as follows:

1. I want to go to a church where the people are the church. I want to have somewhere to go that has outreach programs for the community and people that are really involved. It has been heavy on my heart lately that people in the US are ready to help other countries, but we have people in our own country going to bed hungry. I want to feel proactive in this. While I can do it on my own as well, and have been, I would love to be in a group of like-minded believers that are actually doing something about it.
2. I want a church that has a really great youth program. Even if we are here for a little while, I want Seth to feel like it's ok to be a believer. I want him to know that even if some people find it uncool, there are other people his age that are in the same boat and still making the right choice. Now-I realize that the number of people in a youth program or the amount of activities they do are no direct reflection on how good the program is. I would rather him be in a group of 10 kids that are authentic believers and their parents are the real deal, as opposed to being in a group of 100 kids who are Sunday christians. There is absolutely no way to call this until you have been somewhere for a while. We are just praying about it and trusting God to put us and Seth in the right place.
3. I want an authentic pastor. I realize that pastors, and their families, are real people. However, when you choose to follow a calling into the ministry, you agree to be held to a higher standard. After all, God has entrusted you to present the gospel to people, and for heaven's sake-you are being paid to do it! I want to know that my pastor is a pastor to his family FIRST, and to the church second. I want to know that he is the same when he goes home as he is when he stands behind that pulpit. If he struggles with something, then it is the body of Christ, the church, that should be praying for him and with him over it. It shouldn't be something that is hidden away in a closet, while we all put our heads in the sand around him and pretend it isn't happening. The most important thing is-I want him to be someone that I will trust to lead my husband as the spiritual leader of my home. I want to feel good about the teachings that my husband will receive from him and put into place in our house. I know these pastors exist, I am just having a hard time finding one!
4. Before I get emails telling me how I am sinful, etc. let me just say that I am fully aware that I sin every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I am honest about them. I lay them out. I struggle. I admit it. I am a work in progress-and will be until I get to Heaven. But the key word there was work-I am working on it. I refuse to go into the mode of pretending to be something I am not or putting up a facade-I will tell you my struggles, and if you can't deal with them then you can walk away. If more pastors were this way, I think our churches in general would benefit from them being authentic.

Whew-The other thing on my mind is finding a place to call home. We are struggling with things needing to fall into place all at one time. It is hard-and I am having to learn to give up control-again. But I am learning. The place we are looking at now is Greenville, SC. I would love to live there-but we are still waiting to see if it is in God's plan for us to be there. We shall see.

I will end this on a happy note. We are on our way home from Washington and soon to be out of the snow! Hallelujiah and amen! We have to make a stop in PA first, but at least we are headed east! I hope you all had a wonderful, and blessed Easter!

Sunday Snippets

2010-03-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post and kind of wrap up the week. Not a whole lot going on here-and I am very grateful for that! I will post in list format-again-because it's my blog and I can list stuff if I want to.

1. My friend Ashley had a show this weekend and from what I hear, it went great! Congratulations, Ashley! And Chase-I'm glad you made it through in one piece. ;o)

2. We got home this morning around 4am. I was up before 8. Curse the inner clock! I need sleep!

3. My husband is gone to the store to get the stuff to make homemade hoagie pizzas for dinner. My belly is growling just thinking about it!

4. Say a little prayer for my family. I'm not sure who all reads this blog so I won't go into details yet, but please know that God will know what your prayers are for!

5. This is the first week in a long time that we made it to California and home in 1 day less than a week! Our trips have been taking up to 9 days. This is definitely an answer to prayers.

6. Our four legged daughter, Caroline, was sick this week. I have decided that sick children and dogs freak me out. She had an ear infection, but I am pretty sure we are on the mend now!

7. I am ending this blog. I am going to make dinner and then I am going to bed.

8. Yes, I know it is only 6:34 pm right now..and actually? That makes me happy. ;O)

The Heart of The Matter

2010-03-24T10:00:00.000-07:00

If I get back to the basics of things, the whole reason I started this blog was to share lessons that God teaches me on my road to adulthood and becoming His daughter. Therefore, today, I will share some things I have learned about friendship...the easy ways and the hard ways. We will, of course, be doing this in list format. After all, that is how I roll. :O)

1. I have learned that any friendship worth keeping is a lot of work. A great, close friendship is a lot like a marriage and it requires daily care.

2. I have learned that if you are really going to be close to someone, the best way to do that is by laying all of yourself out on the table. This means that you will have to say some hard things and hear a lot of hard things. Even though this part may hurt your feelings, you have to trust that the friend does it out of concern or sees it as truth.

3. I have learned that different friends fulfill different purposes in your life. You have a friend that may just be your movie friend. You have a friend that may just be the one that will tell you the truth when you try clothes on, and this is your shopping friend. You will have a friend that your children play with their children....the play-date friend. And then there are usually a couple....that even though you fall out..and back in....you can lay out all of your dirty laundry. You can call them and tell them your husband is being a real jerk. You can tell them you want to string your children up by their toes. You can tell them you need them to pray...hard and fast....and trust that they will do it. You can tell them they hurt your feelings. You can tell them you love them. You can be dirty or clean, hungry or full, empty or fulfilled...and when you show up it doesn't matter. It just matters that you have shown up. This friend is the forever one. The priceless one. This is the one that when you do hear hard things from them, you may be angry for a day or two...but you don't shut them out of your life. You need them too much.

4. I have learned that even the best facades can be seen through and broken down. No matter how hard someone tries.

5. I have learned that ANYBODY can say ANYTHING. It's in the "doing" that matters.

6. Finally, one of the most important things I have learned is this: “It is in conflict that our values are exposed.” – Genesis by Bernard Beckett, p. 88

Chock it all up to another lesson learned.

This is a public service announcement....

2010-03-16T22:53:00.001-07:00

In order to keep from repeating the story several times, and my husband going insane from hearing it, here's what happened today in a nutshell. YOU ARE WELCOME.

*Disclaimer: I am on pain meds. Need I say more?

I started having lower abdominal pain the night before last, but nothing major. Yesterday evening, I was having a lot more. I had a very restless nights sleep and was ready to go to the doctor at 8am. The tests in the office showed fine, except my white blood cell count was up. She sent me for a million ultrasounds and they all showed fine. Long story short-she thought it was diverticulitus-which if it was bad enough could rupture and cause a long list of non-palatable medical problems. She said if the pain increased I would have to go to the ER immediately. I woke up at 4pm and the pain was a lot worse. I showed back up to the doctors office and they immediately sent me for a CT scan. I had to drink 3 cups of NASTINESS. At the end of the day, they ruled that I had a ruptured ovarian cyst. They should have picked that up on the ultrasound. I am relieved, and frustrated that it took all day to figure that out. However, I am home in bed with the hubs now and relaxing finally. I will say this-If this is how a ruptured cyst feels then I have never had one before. This was a pain I had never felt. I have been miserable all day. That is, until the happy pills kicked in about an hour ago. Thank you all for your prayers throughout the day today. I don't know how long this pain is supposed to last, but hopefully it will be over soon. After all, we have a very important guest coming soon to a town near us!
Ok...I'm falling asleep writing this,so whether it makes sense or notI am going to hit publish and hope for the best. I'm sure you guys will hear from me tomorrow on this blog thing. ;O) Love you all and talk to you soon!

In The Circle

2010-03-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

Olin and I are finally home, and exhausted. It's been a couple busy days that only promise to get busier over the weekend. There has been a huge lack of sleep lately and we are running behind on chores, etc. However, this morning a 10 year old succeeded in making me stop dead in my tracks. Take a deep breath. And finally feel what it is like to be in the circle.

You know the one I speak of-the circle of parenthood. Late last night, Seth said.."Oh, I forgot. We have parent breakfast this week and tomorrow is the last day and I really want you guys to come with me." Did you read that right? Parent breakfast? You see, his grandparents offered to go earlier in the week and he declined, telling them it wasn't grandparents week and he would wait until we got home and could go. He would wait for Olin. And he would wait for me. His parents. I immediately said that we would go, and then let the reality sink in for myself. You see, I have to take the small victories. To some parents, it would be another thing they have to go to the school to do. For me, especially since he is in his last grade of elementary school, it may be my first and last chance at a parent breakfast.

We got up at 6am. 6 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. Ahem...Showered, and were out the door on our way to what I just knew would be a gourmet breakfast! As we were walking into the school, I kinda caught my breath when he reached for my hand. How long will it be before it is embarassing to him to hold my hand? As we walked down the halls, you could see him walk a little straighter as he was proud to have us on "his" turf. I marveled at all of the napkin dispensers and hand washing stations that were at waist level for me. We got in line and got a plate full-french toast sticks, grits, juice, fruit, and toast. Pretty good, if I do say so. ;O) We sat at tables that threatened to lock me in and keep me there for life, or until I got skinny enough to get back up. Seth had the time to talk openly about school, and activities they do. You see-it was HIS time. No cell phones, no computers, no pressing chores to do. As the bells went off and announcements were made, I was taken back to my days in elementary school. A school cafeteria is quite the time traveller. As we left for the day, with talks of what we were going to do this afternoon, I couldn't help but get a little lump in my throat. I couldn't help but think that this may be the only time I ever get to do this. And I want to remember every. little. thing. about. it. I want to remember the chairs, the smell, what we ate, what he was wearing. I want it all kept in a pretty little package with a bow on it. I feel like today was a little bit like my "icecicles from God". Which is why this post came about. Thank you for indulging me.

You know-I'm not really a breakfast food person. Today I was. And it was the best breakfast I have ever had.

Much Ado About Nothing

2010-03-05T17:26:00.000-08:00

I am not coming here with anything important to write. Therefore, I will make a list of our comings and goings for the last couple of weeks. Lists are how I operate. It settles down all the craziness in my brain. It put things in order.

1. We are in California...again. We started in NC, went to Oregon, came to Cali today, and will be back in Oregon in the morning and in PA by Tuesday. Grateful to have a job....also grateful that my couch and bed are waiting on me at home.

2. In preparation for family photos, I will be getting my hair "did" Wednesday night. I am getting it cut, colored, and highlighted. I feel like I have been in a hair slump for quite a while (too long to mention) and need to get out!!! I am going to spend some time researching hair styles today. I'm all jacked up about it!

3. Have I mentioned the family photos? Oh, I have. Well...have I mentioned who will be taking them? And spending the weekend with us????? Drumroll please.....
None other than Amy Beth! Yes, that's right...THE Amy Beth from ministrysofabulous.com. Sheyna told her we were making a paper chain. I am afraid if she really knew how exicted we were she would RLH in the opposite direction! Ha! She seems to be just as excited..and more than the pictures we are all looking forward to getting to meet her!

4. Just you wait until you see Seth's outfits for the pictures. That kid is cute enough to have for a snack. ;O) He agreed to wear one outfit that I chose(which would get him beat up on the playground at school) and I got him one outfit that he chose. This day should be interesting!

5. Shane, David, and Kealey will be at my house with their dog, Polly. I can't wait to see how Caroline will react to having another dog on her turf. Maybe I can get her use to the idea before she gets to spend time with her betrothed Artie. Oh, how I hope she uses her manners!

6. I am simultaneously planning picture weekend, a trip to Disney, and hopefully a trip to Charleston. I am in list heaven...or should be. Only, I don't feel like making any of the lists necessary for any of these projects. I got the number 1 writted down for the "picture weekend" list over dinner...and seriously, that's as far as it got.

7. I have decided that I hate paying bills online. It really just unnerves me but it is the best way to handle it on the road. Go figure.

8. Did I mention that Amy Beth is going to be in my town? Ahh...I forgot. Well, I will mention it again. AMY. BETH. IS. GOING. TO. BE. IN. MY. TOWN.

9. I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

10. I feel obliged to end it with 10. Although, I don't really have anything to write. Oh, just thought of one. If you were interested in doing the mail thing, look for a form to be heading your way via email or snail mail soon. (sending it via email seems quite contradictory to what we are trying to do here...but I feel like it will get it all started quicker. Thoughts?)

I'm off to research hair-do's and do-nots!

Idea

2010-02-24T20:30:00.000-08:00

So, I was reading Kelly's blog tonight and got a little inspiration. All of us, (I am speaking mainly of my real life friends) are in very different stages in life right now. For the most part, we are separated by a lot of miles, too. I miss the close "girlfriendy" (yes, that is a word) relationships of the past. In an effort to come up with an idea to foster that, Kelly gave me an idea. Why not create something akin to Secret Sisters, but it's something you send in the mail. The real mail. SNAIL MAIL. How happy would it be to open your mailbox and see something inside from a friend? It could be a card...it could be a small trinket you picked up from somewhere. Maybe it's a magazine article that made you think of that person, or a picture from days gone by that you stumbled across...or a great recipe....can this sentence get any longer!?! You get the idea. Now, it's up to you girls to let me know if you would be interested in doing it and help work out the logistics. Each person could send one thing each week to someone....etc. Something along those lines. What do you think? This could be girlfriendy, right? Let me know! Talk to you ladies soon!

Ch..Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes!

2010-02-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

So...here's what I am thinking. I need to amp up the readability (is that even a word?) of my blog. So...I said to myself...I said, "Self"... I have a few friends that blog and several people that read my blogs who have no idea who these friends are. They are a huge part of my life and part of the inspiration of many blogs. I plan to (humbly) ask these friends to guest post on my blog...maybe one each month? I may have to beg them but I so want any of my "lurkers" to learn who these people are! The other thing I plan to start doing is reviewing books on here. The one I am reading now is "What Difference Do It Make". It was sent to me by the Thomas Nelson publishing company to read and hopefully review. I am about halfway through and hope to get that put together sometime next week.

Let me know if you guys have any other ideas for amping things up around here! I want my blog to be something that people WANT to come read, as well as a place for me to just be myself and lay it all out there. Do I even make sense? Nah, forget it. Don't answer that. Leave comments and give me any ideas that you've got! See you soon!

2010-02-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

Post-It-Note-Tuesday!!!

2010-02-02T15:42:00.000-08:00

I am just starting this...so they will get more and more interesting along the way I am sure. Enjoy! And feel free to start posting it!

Hallelujiah, Thine the glory!

2010-02-02T13:03:00.000-08:00

Ok...so my hubby and I made our first attempt at Hallelujiah Acres diet yesterday. Notice I said attempt. We are doing "Naked Juice" (which makes me laugh) and fruit for breakfast. I found out the juice isn't the greatest choice because it is pasteurized. Blech... We are also doing salads, fresh veggies, nuts, etc. By dinner, I found out from my MD that I had a UTI. After stopping to pick up antibiotics, I told my husband that my stomach was about to eat my spine. I told him I was "sick and fragile and I needed chik-fil-a for dinner". He told me I was crazy. I pouted and got my chicken sandwich! I am sure Patrice at the Williams Family Blog would be proud of my effort to get a hold of chik-fil-a. Today I have done much better but I feel like I am about to starve. The easy way to get protein on this diet is through beans, but I can't have a lot of those b/c of the carbs. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I wish I could pack my grandmother in my bags and she would live with me for a year and cook all of my food. I'm just saying, is all.
On another note, we are in Texas. Again. Not that I don't appreciate Texas. Everything is bigger here, so I feel like I fit right in. I just don't like spending more time here than I do at my home in beautiful NC. Just saying.
Well, this is officially going to go down as the most. boring. post. ever. Ashley asked for one...although I think she was looking for a little humor. I don't think I will try to switch carreers to comedian anytime soon. Or spelling bee champion. Whatever. Love you guys....pray I don't shrivel up and fly away with the texas tumbleweeds!!!

Haiti and a petition for prayers

2010-01-20T19:54:00.000-08:00

Haiti haunts me. As I sit here, a barren woman, thinking of how easy I could give a couple of those children a home but how long and arduous the task is, it breaks my heart. I pray every day that God leads me to be at when it comes to helping children. When I left the group home I was working for several years ago, the last words my supervisor spoke to me at my farewell lunch was, "I hope I never see you doing anything other than working with children. It is what you are meant to do." Wow. Can you spell conviction? I can, and have, for the last several years as I have been doing anything but. If I ignore the problems, then I don't have to deal with them. *this is a good time to point out that this blog isn't about me being a strong Christian. It's about me being a real one..that is learning to be stronger through Him.*

Recently, I read a book called "Same Kind of Different as Me". It has rocked my world. Shattered my innocent veil I maintained. I want to help the people of Haiti. And I want to help the people down the block. As Rush said: "there is enough money in this country that no child should ever go to bed hungry. Ever." I believe this is true. Please join me in praying that God would point me towards whatever I am supposed to do with this that he has laid on my heart. My heart is heavy as I sit here in a comfortable place, getting ready to play cards with my husband, our bellies full and that of our puppies. People are bedding down on newspapers and around bonfires in trash cans. I can no longer shield my eyes. They have been opened. Now I need to figure out what to do with what I have seen.

I petition your prayers.
Love,
Courtney

My First Blog Award!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-16T19:05:00.001-08:00

First, I would like to thank the Academy....Um....you weren't looking for an acceptance speech? Whew...I sure am glad because this was a surprise from my great friend Amber and I didn't even have one written! I am supposed to answer several questions...in one word...which we all know will be hard because I am nothing...NOTHING....NOTHING...if not wordy. Ahem.....Anyway...then I will nominate six people for the award myself and let them know so they can do the same! Happy reading...and nominating...

1. Where is your cell phone? Table

2. Your hair? Towel

3. Your mother? Mental

4. Your father? Distant

5. Your favorite food? Texas Sheet Cake

6. Your dream last night? Nonexistent

7. Your favorite drink? Cheerwine

8. Your dream/goal? Chantix (Don't judge me..I had to sum up quitting smoking in one word. Nothing screams quitting smoking like Chantix!)

9. What room are you in? Dining

10. Your hobby? Reading

11. Your fear? Failure

12. Where do you want to be in six years? ALittleOldLadyThatLivesInAShoe

(Amber I agree that it's my blog and I will cheat if I want to)

13. Where were you last night? Dinner

14. Something that you aren't? Athletic

15. Muffins? Tops?

16. Wish list item? House

17. Where did you grow up? NC

18. Last thing you did? Read

19. What are you wearing? PJ's

20. Your TV? On

21. Your pets? Spoiled

22. Friends? Funny

23. Your life? Entertaining

24. Your mood? Reflective

25. Missing someone? Yes.

26. Vehicle? SUV

27. Something you're not wearing? Shoes

28. Your favorite store? Target

29. Your favorite color? PinkRedBlueGreenYellowOrange

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Today (don't judge..I'm reading Karen Kingsbury)

32. Your best friend?(s) couple

33. One place that I could go over and over? mountains

34. One person who emails you regularly? Pop

35. Favorite place to eat? Chili's

Now for my nominations ......

First of all, I hope I can re-nominate people because there are not a lot of people that I converse with via blogs. Anyway...if I'm not supposed to re-nominate then I will once again break the rules.

1. Amber-www.strivingfor31.com
2. Sheyna-www.awidewildworld.blogspot.com
3. Amy Beth-www.ministrysofabulous.com
4. www.cakewrecks.blogspot.com
5. I would nominate my husband but he never blogs.
5. Ashley-www.picsandkickswiththetodds.blogspot.com (Although, she never blogs either!)
6. Kelly-www.kellyskornerblog.com

Let me know when you guys do the questions!

2010-or is it twenty-ten?

2010-01-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted in forever..and in light of having computer and internet access all weekend I decided to make an effort at putting up a lame post. Now, I could inclued tons of pictures that would make it more interesting. However, I think that requires a little work. I am nothing if not lazy today. I did decided to introduce you to a new idea for my world for the new year...along with some resolutions that I really hope to do better at accomplishing than last year. So, without further ado..I present to you the most boring blog of the year.

1. My husband and I are planning to embark on a journey called the "Hallelujiah Acres" diet within the next month. We are going to the seminar at the beginning of February so we will make a more concentrated effort then. In essence, you eat only foods that grow from the ground. No meat. No dairy. No caffeine. I would feel the need to repeat those words for effect but I don't have the heart to retype them. No cheese????? What in the world will I do? We have committed to doing this for a year in order to get healthy and work out some health issues that I have. During the course of this year, we will be trying to get pregnant as well. I plan to chronicle the ugly truth (as well as all of the benefits I know I will get) from this diet throughout the next year. Think "Julie and Julia" meets Biggest Loser. HA! We will see how it goes. We have to quit smoking first so we will see if we both live through that! ;O)

2. I really want to work on being a better wife. I brought a lot of baggage into my marriage, which my husband knew about beforehand and willingly took on, but it isn't fair to him for me to not work on getting rid of it. He has offered to help and does everything he can to reassure me all the time. I need to break the bondage that the devil has me in and be free to be everything and more than he expects.

3. In an effort to be a better wife, I plan to wear make-up more often. It makes my husband really happy. (Ashley, think Chase raising his hand in church!) I tell him he only really notices and likes it b/c I don't do it often, but I want him to feel like I am giving him my best. Not just my pj's and baggage.

4. I want to strive to be a better friend. I love my friends, but there are times that I could be more attentive and thoughtful. I have friends that remember all of the small things. I tend to get overwhelmed and forget the small things and just look at the big picture. This can be good at times, but most of the time it isn't. If you are friends with me, and see me slipping, please tell me. In a loving way. ;o)

5. In working on number 4, I would like to practice being more of a "Mary" this year as opposed to a "Martha". There are many times I have missed stuff with my boys, family, or friends because I was too stressed out about there being a dirty dish in the sink. Or a dirty towel in the laundry basket. Or a blanket unfolded. Or I needed to get 450 things done before we could have Christmas dinner. I am missing the good times in life because I stress about all of the details. While I want my house to be clean and I want to create warm memories of holidays and family time for Olin, Seth, and I...I need to slow down and enjoy them WITH the other members of my family. I am missing too much of the good stuff.

6. I'll put in the obvious one of planning to blog more. I quit scrapbooking because I didn't have time (refer to number 5) so I plan to use this as my virtual scrapbook. I will have to blog more about Hallelujiah Acres anyway....so you will see and hear more from me! Promise!

Ok...that is it. I am going to return to my regularly scheduled reading of Karen Kingsbury and the championship game of baseball between Olin and Seth. I love lazy Saturdays! (This is officially the longest blog post....E.V.E.R. on my blog. Sorry!)

Talk to you guys soon! What are your plans, dreams, goals for 2010......or is it twenty-ten to you?

Fun Fall Times with Friends and Family

2009-11-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

Well...it has been forever since I've posted. Maybe just a few weeks...but who's counting? I am just jumping on to say hi and to let you all know to look for a very (VERY) long blog in the coming weeks! We have some friends coming in this weekend from SC and there are sure to be really great pictures that will just have to be posted. Also, Sheyna is in the final countdown to Sophie Joy arriving! She is sick right now-please remember her in your prayers-and she has less than 4 weeks until the new arrival gets here! I also may or may not have a post that is due containing some pictures of Olin and I on the side of Mt. St. Helens (in a big truck) complete with Oompa Loompas. Oh how I wish I would've gotten video-but great pictures are in the works to go up on here and you wouldn't want to miss them. Your life will never be the same.

Ok. It will probably will be the same even if you do miss them but you really don't want to.

I'm off to go pick up a load of stuff from Burlington Coat Factory and head home. I have about 48 hours to get there. And my time starts.....

RIGHT NOW!

Happy Fall Ya'll!

Sugar and Spice

2009-10-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, we had the pleasure of celebrating with Sheyna and Jonathan the upcoming arrival of Sophie Joy. The weather was definitely not in our favor, but it all worked out and we had a great time of fellowship and showering! We were even able to set up a small separate celebration in honor of Levi becoming a Big Brother! We are trying to convince him that this is a great idea! Ha! We will see if our efforts pay off in just a few short weeks.

The Girls (L-R: Shane, Amber, Sheyna, (Sophie Joy), and Me

Levi "loving" on his little sister

Sophie, you don't know this yet, but these are just a few of the hands that will be holding you, feeding you, taking care of you! What a blessed little girl you are! (These are Sheyna, Jonathan, and Levi's hands)

These are a couple of Levi's friends...Kealey, Levi, and Walker. Have you ever tried to get a picture of 3 toddlers together? This is what comes of that.....

Daddy in waiting

Sheyna's mom, Janet. I am a horrible photographer and I got no pictures of Sheyna's dad (it was his first baby shower ever), or Jonathan's parents. However, Amber got many more pictures than I did so I am sure she can help me out on this. ;o)

Don't laugh at me. This is my first ever attempt at a diaper cake. I know it is kinda wonky...but can't you appreciate the simplicity of it with me?!? No??? Oh, well.

This should make up for it. This was Amber's great idea for favors. It is salt water taffy stuck onto skewers. It was tasty and soooo cute.

This is a picture Amber painted for Sophie's room. I could have taken a full shot so you could see all the cuteness of it but why would I do that? Only a seasoned photographer would do that. You will have to visit Amber's blog to see the whole thing when she gets it posted. www.makerminute.blogspot.com. You are welcome. The other cute things, that I did not photograph, were these buckets that we used. Shane is responsible for this idea. We had a pink bucket with Sophie's name on it that we used on the food table for chips. We had a blue one on Levi's table with chips in it. It is froo-froo baby showering at it's finest! (Again, maybe Amber has a picture...)

Look what I found! I did take a picture so we have evidence of Tom Pope going to a baby shower!!!!! (He is on the right). They look positively enthused to be there. (They really did enjoy it).

Finally, the cutest picture of them all:

And that, my friends, is how you throw a baby shower. You are welcome. We can't wait to meet you Sophie Joy!

A Peace That Surpasses Understanding

2009-08-26T18:07:00.000-07:00

I am in a waiting period in my life. It's as simple as that, really. I am waiting to see where we are going to go with our jobs, where we are going to live, and where our family is headed in general. Are we going to add anyone to it, or will it be me, Olin, & Seth? Are we going to get a job where we will be home more often, or are we on the road for a reason for a while longer? See a theme here? I feel like the biggest part of my life I have spent it waiting. Waiting until I could get out of high school and move out. Waiting until I found "the one"...and spending unnecessary time with "others" until I did. Waiting for my family to be "normal"...at least in our sense of the word. I am seriously, and prayerfully, striving to live in the moment now. I want to enjoy what God has given me now instead of overlooking what I have in search for the next "thing"..whether that be a new place to live, a baby, or a new job. During this time, there is a song that has really spoken to me. I have heard it a million times on this cd, but really took notice of it yesterday and really listened to what it said. I promise I am not going to perpetually post song lyrics, but if you will just oblidge me.....

Nicole Nordeman
Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Domestic Diva or Disaster? You decide...

2009-08-05T13:20:00.000-07:00

Just call me the "Domestic Diva". Or....Domestic Disaster. Whichever you decide fits. Ok....the story is....The other day, I decided to make chicken salad...on the truck. Now, this is no small feat in itself on a truck. I personally like to think it is something Martha would give her nod of approval to. I had drug everything out of the cooler, prepared the salad, toasted the bread, etc. We were also having tossed salad with our sandwich. I had taken a block of cheese and cubed it up to put in our salads. I had everything made, and had put everything away, in anticipation for my husband returning to the truck and making some small shout of glee over what his wife had done. I considered putting a little water and flour on my face, only there was no flour in my pantry in the truck. For obvious reasons. Ahem....So my husband gets in the truck and ya'll, he is nothing if not picky about his food. Just ask Sheyna. I immediately present him with his plate and sit back and wait for his comments of adoration and praise. Then he says....I think I want cheese on my sandwich. Well....that would be easy...in a normal kitchen. I had already hauled the 40 quart cooler back into it's resting spot and didn't want to drag everything back in the world back out. I look around the bed...and suddenly, like a burst of heavenly light..I spot it. The ziploc bag with the cubes of cheese in it for the salads. I had forgotten to put it away. I think the result would have simultaneously made MacGuyver (SP?) proud and Martha Stewart shreik. See for yourself and you be the judge. Diva or disaster?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

I am NOTHING, if not creative.
You are welcome.

It's Been A Long Time

2009-07-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

Hi guys! Sorry it has been so long since I have posted but I'm back! (Not that anyone other than the people that know me actually read this thing...;O) Monday, July 13th, I got a phone call from someone that I have known/been friends with for a long time. This is a woman that, for a long time, has been a non-believer. She would go to church when her mom asked her to, usually a couple times a year, but that was the extent of her spiritual world. I, being still quite the baby christian, didn't know how to approach the gospel with her, or what would be too much to say. I just quietly lived out my life in front of her with my husband and step-son, and would occassionally answer questions that she had. Well, lo and behold, she called me on Monday and told me she had just given her life to the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There were some shouts of joy, and some tears, and I just had to wake my husband up and tell him too! She thought I was being a bit melodramatic, and to her maybe I was. I remember people praising God when I got saved, and I thought they were a little loco myself. But you see, this is a HUGE milestone for her and a wee little one for me in my walk with God. This is the first time that someone I have prayed incessantly for, and someone that close to me that was previously unsaved, has been saved. I don't understand it myself. Maybe I did act a little loco. I am sure God will forgive me. I am sure He will forgive the dance I do in my house when I get home and can highlight her name in my prayer journal as an answered prayer as well. I don't think dancing in front of her would be a great idea just yet. My husband and I have committed to praying for her, as we both know that there is a long road ahead. A road that will be filled with twists, turns, confusion, regret, anger at having to give things up, etc. You see...Satan is going to try everything he can to get her back. I am sure he has already figured out her weak spots and will use them to try her until she doesn't think she can take anymore. My prayer is that when these times come, it is then she will run to God for the answers. I pray that I am given the words of encouragement that she needs to hear and the courage to say them. The thing that catapulted this decision for her was her father passing away last week. My other prayer for her is that when she begins to miss her earthly father, as she does and will continue to do, she will learn to curl up in her Fathers arms and tell Him about it. He so longs to hear her talk to Him! After all, He has been waiting 43 years to hear it!!!!! Congratulations, Jill. You are in my prayers all the time and I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another item I need to address is this: I read the most heart wrenching post yesterday and need to beseech all of you to read it as well. It is on Amy Beth's blog: www.ministrysofabulous.com. The title of the post is "Scar". I am not going to kid myself and think I could know how to link directly to that post so that is the only lead I can give you. All I can say is that when the days on the road are hard, as they sometimes are and will continue to be, I need to be reminded to thank God that I am not left laying in a pile of garbage. My hope now is that we can learn of a way to help this orphanage and adopt these children. Please take a moment and read it.

Whew! That was a lot that I needed to get out! I think those are the only two major updates I had. By the way, happy anniversary Amber and Josh! (www.makerminute.blogspot.com) I hope you two had a restful, relaxing time in the mountains, and I hope the real world welcomes you back slowly. Congratulations on the first 6 of many, many years!

Oh....and in case you read this and don't know.....Sheyna and Jonathan are having a baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (www.awidewildworld.blogspot.com and www.jlwide.blogspot.com) Levi will be a big brother to a baby sister now! Pull out the pink! ;o) (and the smocked dresses...of which there will hopefully be many). I just wonder how early is too early to start her "dream wedding" book? If Jonathan reads this he will have a coronary. ;O) Congratulations you guys!

Ok...I am finished now. Seriously. I promise. Why are you still here? You should be on Amy Beth's blog by now reading the post I told...err....asked...you to go read. Go!

See you guys soon!
Courtney

Friday Fun

2009-06-12T18:38:00.000-07:00

Ok...if you know me by now you will know that no week could have ever been complete without a wordle. I was thinking tonight how I should be grateful for everything I do have in life...instead of focusing on the things that I want to attain. I think everyone should have goals...it gives us something to look forward to! However, in looking towards my goals, I tend to miss what I have already been mercifully given. I am blessed, way beyond what some people will ever see in this life. I know that. I just need to REALIZE it. In honor of my "Aha" moment today (Olin, please pardon the Oprah reference), tomorrow I am going to try to go all day long without complaining about one single thing. Not crazy drivers that I have to battle, at least I have a job. Not about being tired, at least I am awake and can be. Not even about a dirty truck. We are able to walk-that's how we tracked dirt in. And the food crumbs? At least we have something to eat. My dead headset? I am blessed with many friends to talk to to keep me occuppied each day. You should check my twitter for updates on how I am doing. lol...I am sure my husband will hold me accountable to being honest. For tomorrow, and the rest of today, I am going to practice being grateful. All day long. To help keep me focused I made a little wordle of all the small things in life that I love. I am sure I forgot a few hundred of them, but it's a start. I can at least look at it throughout the day just as a reminder. ;o) Please keep me and my new goal in your prayers. Talk to you all again soon!

A Wordle for your prayers!

2009-06-08T10:28:00.001-07:00

#ddd" />

There are several things on my mind today. So, what better way to communicate them than through a wordle? How fun! Hope everyone is having a great day....and Sheyna....please post what your baby is growing this week! For Pete's sake!!!

A Wordle for your prayers!

2009-06-08T10:28:00.000-07:00

Ok..now this is just getting ridiculous

2009-06-02T18:45:00.000-07:00

I know....I should give up the computer and go to bed. 3 posts in one night? What the heck am I thinking? When you go to create a wordle, you can figure out how to save it. I, being technologically challenged however, cannot figure it out. Anyways.....Those of you that know me (which, hello...is all 3 people that read this blog) know that I have "issuses" with my earthly father. Tonight I was sitting here thinking about what kind of father would I want if I could pick. Then....like a ton of bricks...I thought, "Dummy...you have the perfect father!!!!!" So, in His honor, I created yet another wordle. I wish I could figure out how to save it because if I could I would have it printed to hang in my house. These are all the things I have always wished for in a father, and all the things that my Father does fulfill! BTW-these show up small but you can click on them and see them larger. This is it for the night, I promise. *Side note: My brother walked me down the aisle but God was there too. It took me a while to see it...but He was there...He whispered to me to hold it together when I threatened to wallow in the pool of self pity. He was present at the front of the stage. His love for me was, in a small part, manifested at the front in the man He had waiting there for me. He danced me through all of it. The parts I could have never walked alone. Heck, if I try to remember hard enough, I think He probably even told me I was the most beautiful bride ever.

wordles, wordles, and more wordles

2009-06-02T17:59:00.001-07:00

I saw this on another blog, and thought these were wonderful!!!! As I am sitting in California and dreaming of home, I thought one with everything I miss from home would be quite fun! Go to http://www.wordle.net to create your own!

Show Us Where You Live Friday

2009-06-02T14:53:00.000-07:00

You guys are going to think I am crazy....but I wanted to participate in the childrens room for Kellys Show Us Where You Live Friday. I don't have babies, but I am going to post my dream little girls room and little boys room. So....on to the little girls room....

I found this bedding on Posh Tots. I know it could be made way cheaper than they sell it....but isn't it adorable???

I would go with a neutral colored rocking chair...that way it could be used in other rooms later on.

Now, you cannot tell me this table set isn't just to die for. Couldn't you just picture tea parties??? I especially love the carrot legs on the table...

Just a couple pieces of art I would be interested in...both courtesy of Etsy.

Now on to the boys room.....I would keep the same glider......The only difference is.....

I love the colors in all of this stuff! This is compliments of Posh Tots and Etsy. I love the idea of monkeys in a boys room because, after all, isn't that what they turn into? lol....I love the idea of using different colors in addition to your regular blue/brown mixture.

Anyway...there you have it...the virtual tour of my dream rooms! I could go into cribs, but the one I found for baby girls that I LOVE is $20,000.00. HA! My husband laughed and said that if I bought that he better be able to sit in it and drive it! Just a dream people, just a dream. Hope you enjoyed!!!

Friday's Finale

2009-05-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hi! I know it's been a while since I've posted but it's been quite a busy time. Here goes my list....

1. I went home last week. Hooray! I never thought I would love the sound of my dishwasher running and tv droning on in the background so much.

2. I am already gone again. And I am already missing the things I mentioned above.

3. The boys went to the race, er...water park....and it was postponed until Monday. Out the window went the plans to spend the day with Olin and Seth. They finally got home (waterlogged and all) early evening. They did get to see a few laps, finally.

4. I realized after last weekend that I don't like to be away from my husband overnight. I am good with him going out and having a good time but then he needs (I need) him to come home. ;o)

5. I got stuff in the mail from Tastefully Simple, thanks to my friend Angie having a party. I only tried the Key Lime Cheese Ball while I was at home but OH MY WORD was it worth it. Amazing. Simply amazing.

6. Congratulations to my cousin Rebekah in LA for moving out on her own for the first time! What a major move.....I am proud of you and will be praying for you!

7. "Infertile Myrtle" here is doing this thing called ovulation and my husband LOVES that I am whiny, hurting, moody, etc. He just loves it people.

8. I am wondering if putting that I was ovulation was way too much blog info. Oh well......you may stop reading at any time.

9. Um...my bff S is in the mountains for the weekend and I am green with envy. I know, I know....thou shalt not covet thy neighbor and all of that. I'm just saying is all.....I WANT TO BE LAYING IN THE HAMMOCK IN THE BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok....now that the outburst is over...

10. I am going to be able to meet up with another married couple that works for our same company tomorrow! They are on their way to OH from CA and we are on our way from OH to CA. We will be meeting somewhere in the middle. Yay! It's nice to be able to connect with people out here when we are away from home so much.

Well peeps, that's about it. I am sure that sometime in the next couple of days my hubs is going to ask me to post a blog to his...seeing as my bff and her hubs got him a new book for his birthday that he has been ravishing and writing about. (Thank you from the bottom of my heart. No, really.....thanks. Payback...Payback...Payback.) I will try to post again next week. Until next time.....

A Survey

2009-05-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

1. Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
I am actually sitting in Indiana right now....I will be home again on Thursday!
2. What are you doing tonight?
I am having a relaxing night with the husband...he is watching the race and I am playing on the computer...
3. Who last texted you?
Umm....that would be a twitter from MckMama
4. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
Yep.
5. Do you get mad easily?
I can...I get stressed.
6. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I talk about them...which makes my husband very happy (not)...lol
7. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Spring and fall please
8. Who was the last person you were in a car with?
Olin
9. What color are your eyes?
Blue
10. Have you ever given up on someone but then went back to them later?
Yes. Not one of my proudest moments, but yes.
11. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?
No, but I have threatened to many times...Olin always talks me off of that ledge.
12. Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren’t allowed to tell anyone?
Yes. And if you know me you know it is the hardest thing ever for me to keep a secret.
13. Honestly, if you could go back six months and change something, would you?
Not really
14. Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
Yes, pajama pants that I "borrowed" from David...lol
15. Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?
Yes. Trying to get my lists made for the race next weekend...
16. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
If you are facing the bed I sleep on the left...
17. What is your favorite thing to shop for?
Recently it is for stuff for my apartment.
18. Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Olin and Sheyna can usually predict what I am going to do...lol
19. What are you doing this summer?
Working, spending time with Seth, not much of anything else.
20. Do you miss your past?
Nope, just my granny.
21. Did you ever have tea parties when you were younger?
I don’t think so.
22. What is your favorite line from a movie?
"I'm also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her." Notting Hill
23. Would you rather be the opposite sex?
NO!
24. What would you never name one of your children?
Barts (It was my grandmothers middle name)
25. What is the coolest restaurant you’ve ever been to?
I love the Cheesecake Factory in downtown Chicago on Michigan Avenue.
26. Where do you go when you want to get a really good sub sandwich?
Amy Beth, I hate the smell of Subway! I just thought I was weird. It is the smell of all of the bread rising, I think.
27. What style of house would you like to live in?
I love Cape-Cod style homes
28. Do you flip the channel when commercials come on?
I hate flipping....My husband loves it...Go figure.
29. Have you seen any of the Saw movies?
No. I am not a fan of horror at all.
30. What was your favorite book as a child?
The Princess and the Pea....My granny made me believe I was one...

I copied this survey from Amy Beth's post.....Feel free to copy and fill it out! Have a great weekend!

Follow-Up Friday

2009-05-15T20:36:00.001-07:00

Okay...any reason to make a list. I decided that once a week I will (attempt) to make a list following up anything eventful from the week. I think this will serve a dual purpose...One, just in case anyone ever reads my blog that I don't talk to on the phone all the time, they will feel caught up; and two-This will serve as a journal and record for me throughout the year. Now that we have that understanding:

1. I am quite amazed that we have been away from home this long and will be home in now less than 1 week! Let the countdown officially begin!
2. I am stressing about how hot it is going to be at Speed Street......However, my bff Sheyna is preggers and I think that serves as the PERFECT excuse that she needs to go to the hotel room and rest in the air conditioning...and I need to drive her. Thank me later, Sheyna...Thank me later.
3. I am officially booked for my first appointment at a fertility specialist. I had to pay them money so it made it real and freaked me out a little bit. I mean, what if I have 6 or 8??? I know....God only gives us what we can handle....
4. Please pray that my assigned doc, Dr. Katz, has the knowledge to know what Olin and I need to do and can understand all of my "issues". Also please pray that he is a doctor that is firm in his faith. I know that this isn't something I will probably readily see in the office, but I can pray for it.
5. Please also note that aforementioned doctor graduated from UNC Chapel Hill. He is already a genuis in my book. I wonder if I wear some type of Tarheel paraphenalia into the office it will make me his favorite patient? Hmmm...Note to self....
6. We have made it all the way across the country and have to be back in Kansas tomorrow...We are in Pennsylvania! My dear husband hasn't been able to sleep...UGH! I will wake him up in a bit.
7. Jon and Kate are disgusting! Although, popular opinion states, and I agree, that we are happy the media are finally catching on to who they really are.
8. I have found more blogs, with the help of Amber and Sheyna, to get attached to. My husband thanks you.
9. Please pray for baby Stellan...he has had some bradychardia (slow heart rate) and SVT tonight. According to the latest tweet, MckMama isn't handling it as well as she had hoped she would. Please cover this family in your prayers.
10. I laid in bed this week with my husband, ate strawberry ice cream, and watched Notting Hill. Does it get any better people?

I will let you all rest now...lol. That was longer than I thought it would be. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. (You all meaning...the 3 people that actually read this). Talk to you all soon!

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day! I meant to post a letter to Olin on here for his birthday but I accidentally posted it on his blog so if you wanna read it just hop on over to www.journalontheroad.blogspot.com. Oops....Oh, well....I guess it's all the same..lol. Have a great day!

2009-05-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

Infertile Myrtle

Ok....to start off I will tell you that I had planned to not post anything about my infertility on my blog. However, I realized that this is the one place that I can rant, rave, cuss, cry, or scream shouts of joy and not worry about it. Therefore, I shall post about my number one role in life right now as "infertile myrtle". Needless to say, the hubby and I are trying. I never knew you had to have the degree of a scientist for this stuff. Thank goodness I have an "ovary guru" who has walked this road before me and is only a phone call away....I mean, after all, what else does she have to do other than answer my phone calls? Ahem...now that we have that one out of the way... ;o) I realized this week what a weird time it was for us to attempt our first try. For the first time EVER on the road, I decided to get a Sunday paper because we are heading home soon and I wanted to clip coupons to do some grocery shopping. I also wanted to look through the sales papers. Well, lo and behold, if EVERY STINKING SALES PAPER was dedicated to....yep, Mom. I kinda laughed at the absurdity of it all. Not that buying a gift for your mom is absurd...but it reminded me that if our attempts were failed this month that I would find out on Mother's Day. Now this area of my life, along with several others, is where my Christian maturity really shines. I mean.....isn't it mature of me to kick, scream, and sometimes yell at God? Isn't that ok? Really? Hmmmm.......I thought it was. And sometimes I just feel like a failure as a wife. I get the big picture. I get that I have been blessed with a step-son who is adorable and that there are millions of kids that need to be adopted. I get that. I just want the waddle people. You know the one I speak of. The one that develops around 6 months into pregnancy when you have to lean back and catch yourself before you sit down. So...I would like to petition all of your prayers that not only is God's will done, but that I accept it, whatever it is. And....if you feel frisky....please pray that one day I get to waddle. :o) Until next time........

A List

2009-04-27T17:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, since everybody (well, at least the 2 people) that read this blog know that I love to make lists, I thought I should post one tonight. It makes this whole "blog" a bit easier for me. Ahem.....

1. I am so ready to be home it is unreal. I just want to go to bed in MY bed with my husband, and get up in the morning to the sound of NOTHING......as opposed to the smell of diesel fumes and engines. (Patience, my dear child...Patience)

2. My neighbors dog got ran over tonight. Makes me grateful that Carter Ann never is allowed to play outside alone. I don't know what I would ever do! It also makes me re-think ever getting another dog due to attachment issues.

3. I got to spend the afternoon with Shane and Kealey and it was great! I had mall time, Kohl's time, and DQ. What more could a girl ask for? I learned that time away from the hubby gives us time to miss each other and it is nice to be missed now and again.

4. I will admit now that I quit driving early because I was somewhere I could get internet. Shhhhh......don't tell O. Oh wait, he is one of the 2 people that read this. Oops!

5. S, I am dying for week 20 or so so we can know what colors to start buying. I need to know if I can purchase 1 smocked outfit or 100. I know, patience again. Told you I wouldn't get it the first 100 times.

6. I am really really happy that baby Stellan gets to fly home tomorrow and spend the night in his own house, and MckMama gets to spend the night with all of her MSC and PC. Imagine how excited she must be!!!

7. I am typing this and realizing that this post is getting longer than it should. I am going to go now and browse the net. I love online shopping. Did I ever tell you all that?????

Lesson 1

2009-04-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

Patience
Ok, so I get that this one will be a lesson that I will have to relearn....time and time again. And, I also know that the longer it takes me to "get it", the harder God will try to teach me. Ahem....Now that that's out of the way..... I grew up a very confused girl. I grew up in church, and was raised by a great-grandmother that was a very Godly woman. She taught me about God...how to rely on Him, how to talk to Him, etc. I just never got the concept of a RELATIONSHIP with Him. As I grew older, I saw friends of mine who were faithful believers moving to the next steps in their lives. Taking the steps of marriage, children, etc...and I was still sitting in singleness, wallowing a little perhaps, and wondering when it was going to be my turn. I know I am not the first or last woman that will go through this. I know my plight will be met with no pity, and instead cries of "I was that woman, too." It felt like I was alone, though. I struggled, and when I say struggled, I mean STRUGGLED. And I chose to struggle alone (which, HELLO, was the reason I was struggling in the first place!) I finally woke up one day and realized that God would never bless me with someone else until I was happy just being in His presence. When He was enough, then I could have more. I learned how to let go of past hurts and lay them at His feet. I let Him worry about it for a while. The only thing I had a hard time letting go of was my love life, or lack thereof. I thought somehow I could control that better than He could. And, I figured if I gave Him everything else, He would be happy with that, right? WRONG. He wanted it all. I know the Bible says that God would be a father to the fatherless, and a husband to the husbandless, but I am an instant gratification girl. I thought I had to have something, someone, I could touch. Someone I could go on dates with, because that meant I was somebody. I settled time and time again, because God just wouldn't do it for me. I needed physical people to surround myself with, even if I knew it was wrong, because I needed to feel loved. The day I gave the last part up to Him, He started in motion His plan all along. It was in His timing, and He was just waiting for me to get the big picture. He sent me O, who was a man beyond my wildest dreams. In my teenage years and early 20's I never would have dreamed up a man like him. Not for me, anyway. God got the last laugh. He showed me. When it became enough for me to just know He was there, to know He was with me when I was alone, He gave me my tangible. I have it everytime my husband reaches out for my hand, every time my husband wakes up in the night to fix my bed covers. I have it. I get it now. I just had to be patient and wait for it. That lesson was 30 years in the making, and I'm sure He isn't done with it yet. We have just had the mid-term! Until the next one, I'll just hold on to Him and who He gave me. For now, that is enough.

The dreaded first post

2009-04-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have labored over the "first post" for days. I have written, erased, re-written, several times. I read several blogs already and all of those women possess these wonderful writing skills. You know the blogs...the ones you can't wait for a post to go up because you know you will either get a good laugh or cry out of it. Well...I must face it...My blog may be that one day, but not today. Today I will just be happy to have the first post out of the way. ;o) It's a lot of pressure, people. I guess the lesson I'm learning from this is not to worry so much. Ummmm...yea, probably God it TRYING to teach me that one but it's not working out so well so far today. What can I say? Just trying to be honest, people. But this is the fun in learning lessons. Let's face it, sometimes you don't get it the first 200 times, but one day you figure it out and it's a great "Aha" moment. Keep reading...maybe one of these days I'll have one of those! ;O)