Why wait one more hour?

Dear Olin,

Technically, it is the night before Father's day. It won't start for one more hour. But why wait? :) I am nothing, if not impatient.

I want to start by saying that you are a wonderful father. I watch you grow as a man of God and a father to Seth every day and I am honored to be a part of that journey with you. I love to see Seth when we go to pick him up and he comes running out of the house yelling..."Daddy!!!" The look on his face is priceless, and one I hope that neither one of us ever forget. As we begin to navigate the waters of pre-teens, know that he won't always have that look. There will be days when he hates us. And that will mean that we are doing our job. At the end of the day, know that we are not here on earth to teach him to love us...we are here on earth to teach him to love Him. That will be all that's important.

One of my favorite things to do is walk into Seth's room and "catch" you guys with ten million legos laid out on the floor....you and Seth both laying on your bellies...creating some type of genius structure with plastic little blocks. Little blocks that, when I have to take them apart eventually will make my fingers raw! I am not sure of all the conversations that take place on the bedroom floor of our tiny apartment but I am sure they are conversations that Seth will remember for a lifetime.


If there is one thing that makes me sad this Fathers Day it is this: that I have not made you a father yet. Something about me is broken. You and I both know that God can fix it and that He can make it happen. Usually I am good with it....but I can't help but to think what you would look like the first time you held our child in the delivery room. The first time you changed their diaper. You holding those tiny little hands in your large ones as they learn to take their first steps. You see....I am honored to watch you be a father to Seth. I am sad that I missed all those times of seeing you with a baby. For this-and for maybe never making you a father to a second child-I am truly sorry. Another child deserves to have you to help raise them and teach them. If it never happens, I will rest in the knowledge that God knows what he is doing and I am not in control of that. Eventually. For now, I guess it's ok to hope.

Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me what a father looks like. To the love of my life. I hope your day is as amazing as it can be (while we are at work).....I promise a celebration with the little one when we get home!

I love you with all my heart,
Courtney

Of Monkeys and Men

Dear Seth,

It is 8:38pm on Wednesday night. I don't think you are thinking about it as much as I am, but tonight is the last night you will ever be in elementary school. As of tomorrow at 10:30 in the morning, you will be a young man.

As your elementary years come to an end, it is hard to wrap my brain around all that you accomplished during them. You may not realize it now, but the foundation of who you are has been formed in the last 6 years. I wasn't around from the beginning of them but some things you did learn that I know will serve you as you grow into adulthood are these:

Share! When you started school, you learned that the world didn't just include you all day long. There are places where community things have to be shared-like it or not. While this isn't always an easy thing to learn when you start school, it is true throughout your life. The main thing to take away from this lesson is this: God gives you gifts. He had plans for you before you were even here. These gifts aren't all about you. It is all about making His kingdom grow! These gifts are yours to share!!!! If you hide it away only for yourself, it will do you absolutely no good.

Alarm Clocks! You learned to hate them....lol! You learned that discipline means that you need to go to bed earlier because you HAVE to get up for school each week morning. You may not like it-but this helps prepare you for later in life when you have to get up to go to a job or college. As you get older and more independent, it is crazy to think of you waking up to your own alarm clock and doing it all by yourself....but isn't this our job as parents? To teach you how to do these things so that one day you can do them on your own? Because I can say that I really don't like it. I'll do it-b/c I have to but I don't like it!

Education- We, along with everyone else you have encountered, have pounded into your brain that your education is one of the most important things you will ever achieve. Education unlocks doors for you that nothing else can. Always remember that people can take everything away from you-all of your material posessions-but they cannot take away what you have learned. That is yours to keep. With that being said, I promise that me and your daddy will do the best to expose you (and your brain) to things that are true. We promise to do our best to steer you towards the right path and support you in decisions you make concerning this. You see, education isn't all about text books. It is also learning about where you came from and where you are going. It is learning about what God did for you and everyone else. It's learning that everyone-including all of your family-will let you down. We will all fail you. God is the only one that will not. While you may not learn this in a classroom, Daddy and I promise to teach you this at home. This is the most important thing that nobody can take away from you. Always hold this truth the closest to your heart. We know that this only gets harder to hold onto the older you get, and peer pressure will try to convince you that it is uncool to believe. We promise to pray every single day that you become a man of God that will continue to stand up for what you know is right.

Bullying-I struggled with whether or not I was going to address this or not. However, I decided that if I wanted this around for you to read years later, this needed to be recorded. You can take tons of lessons away from the things that you have encountered this year. There will be bullies in life. There will be mean people that just want to take what you have or make you feel like less of a person. This stands VERY true in Christianity. There will be people that don't like you simply because you are a christian. They will say hurtful things. Please know that this is just because they want what you have. I am not saying that this will not be a struggle. Even if you know why they are mean...at the end of the day it doesn't make it hurtful or hard to deal with. But know this-Your value and worth...everything that you are and do.....is held solely by God. You will never find your self worth in a person or material things.

I will end with those three. This post is getting long...but there is more to say. I am sure I will say it all at some point in time.....but as you get ready for bed....I can't help but feel like a chapter of you is closing. Rest assured-a bigger chapter is opening! One that we are all anticipating! But tomorrow as you walk the hall of that elementary school for the last time as a student remember this: You may be turning into a young man....but you will always be my monkey. I love you and will be praying for you during all of these transitions! The best is yet to come!

Love Always,
Mama Monkey

Minus a Title

This will be a post without a title. I don't have one. I don't have the energy to come up with a creative one. Just deal with it. Please?

Ok. I work on lists, people. I have actually thought of changing my blog to one that has posts that are all in list format. I love this idea until I think of something profound I would like to write that won't fit in a list format. Then I change my mind. Here goes:

1. We are home for a couple of days. We are going to spend the evening with a certain 11 year old monkey that I'm dying to see. Soon.

2. We checked out a charter school for said monkey this morning. They amazingly had a couple of openings in the grade that he is going into...and every other grade has a waiting list. Now just to decide if that is the best for him....

3. Caroline is healing well from her surgery. She is sad that she will never give me granddogs, but her husband Artie understands. This seems to help with her hormonal menopausal symptoms. Therapy may still be needed. We'll let you know.

4. I need to get going on the gathering of all of my yard sale things. My house is a wee bit more cluttered than I would like for it to be. That problem will solved as soon as possible.

5. If any readers homeschool, please let me know what cirriculum you use. We are looking to supplement school in the fall and for work in the summer. Monkey doesn't know this.....I think I'll keep it as a surprise....

6. The hubs and I are looking for jobs in the area...and we hopefully got some great leads this morning. Praying that they pan out in the time frame we need them too. We know God isn't pacing the floors of Heaven, so we will try not to wear a path in our living room carpet either. In His time.....In His time.....(I'm currently chanting this)

7. I normally don't end on odd numbers, but I can't think of anything else that I need to say right now. I need to get packed to head towards the in-laws for the evening and get the dogs bag packed. I need to switch laundry out and keep working towards getting re-packed to head back to work. Millions of little things to do and not enough time! Maybe there will be a better post later tonight?

Resistance

*Resistance is fiercest when you're on the border of a breakthrough.*

I am being stretched and challenged in ways I have never been before. I feel like my spirit of discernment is weak. Our pastor said the other week that resistance was the fiercest when you are on the border of a breakthrough. I believe it. God is working big time in my life-every aspect of it. And the devil is working the night shift. I sometimes have a hard time maintaining my perspective of that. Generally, I regain perspective. However, it's not before I have allowed people and situations to get me all worked up and achieve what they were shooting for.

My prayer tonight is that I would regain perspective on people and situations quicker. I pray that the devil gets out of trying to mess with my marriage. Between Olin and I-and most of all God-we WILL NOT let him win. I am thankful for all of these situations. I know that I will come out on the other side stronger in my walk with God and that alone will make it all worth it. But to be honest-I am getting weary. If the construction of this post is no example, let me assure you that I am weary. I have asked God to pull me in ways He never has before. I can personally attest to the fact that I am pulled as tight as a rubber band right now.

There is something great on the other side of this. I know that I will know my God like I have never known Him when this is all over. And I know there will be more situations like this in my life that challenge me and my relationship with Him. I do not know when this particular season in my life will be over. I do not know what else God has in store for me to teach me lessons. I do not know when the devil will back off and give me a break. I do not know when I will feel at peace with everything going on around me.

The one thing I do know? The thing that keeps me going? I DO KNOW IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT. That I know without a doubt.

I am sorry that this post is not in a tidy little box with a pretty ribbon tied around it. There are things I talked about here that I will never understand on this side of Heaven. Some parts of this post do not follow any other parts. But, take it or leave it, I can guarantee you that it is real. It is authentic. It is my heart.

Please keep me and my family in your prayers as we enter what is proving to be both the hardest, and most rewarding, season so far.

11 years old

*This post is a day late. I think Olins was a couple days late. Maybe I'll make that my new tradition. In addition to typing birthday posts for my favorite people, I will post them late. It's really the new fad. :)*

Dear Monkey,



You are 11 years old now!!!!! I remember when I first met you. You were 8 years old, full of mischief, and cute as a button!

Not a lot has changed...except the numbers! You are growing into an awesome young man. We have recently started attending church in Charlotte, NC at Elevation and you love it! I love that it spurs on quite a few conversations between you and I about the greatest story ever told! I will admit here that this is the part of parenting that scares me. I want to be able to expose you to everything you need in order to grow spiritually. That's the easy part. I want to find ways to keep you fired up and sold out to God-that's the questionable part! We must be doing something right-at least for now-because you asked to take all of your friends to church after your birthday party! I love seeing what God is doing in your heart and in your life. As a pre-teen, there are some murky waters that you are getting ready to navigate. For several more years!~ Please never lose sight of God. He is the one that will get you through whatever it is, and along the way He is giving you situations that will grow you as a person, and grow your relationship with Him. Above even all of us-He is the one that loves you the absolute most and wants to give you His best for your life.

You are getting into so many different interests right now. We are talking about karate and basketball, you love to try to cook things yourself now, you still read like you wouldn't be able to breathe without a book, and you still love your Legos! Last night you helped daddy grill hot dogs for your birthday! I nicknamed you "Bobby Flay". It made you blush. (For the record-I love making you blush!) With your reading, the one thing that makes my heart do a little dance is when I get you and daddy new magazines or books at the store, come home, and we all sit on the couch in silence and read. We didn't plan for this to ever happen. You or your daddy neither one can wait to open a new book and dig in! The couch is the closest thing the the door...Ha! And your legos-If your father is any indication you will never outgrow these. That's another thing that warms my heart. To see you and your daddy laying in your bedroom floor or spread out at the kitchen table building Legos. You guys could do this for hours-as you have proven over and over again! There have been so many legos in your floor that the most responsible way for us to pick them up was with a broom and dustpan! I love that you love to tinker!

You will be in sixth grade in a few short months. Middle School! This is a grade/age that many kids will start to feel insecure about who they are. Please never lose sight of the fact that you are a child of God first, which right away makes you awesome...and that you are loved by a lot of people. It doesn't matter what you have or don't have. Objects do not define you as a person. Your heart does. And I love the definition of You!!!!!




I will quit rambling now. I just feel like there is so much I want to tell you and it is all coming out very jumbled. Never forget that I love you. I may not have carried you and gave birth to you-but you are my son. As much as you are anybody else's. I don't promise to do this pre-teen thing right. I will make mistakes. I do promise you to try to do my best and to listen to you when you have concerns. I promise to try to be the coolest step-mom ever. (In this case, I will probably do some things that will embarass the hound out of myself! All in the name of coolness, of course.) I promise to do my best everyday to set a good example for you in your relationship with Christ. I promise to have fun with you. And I promise to look back on the mistakes I will make, and we will laugh together.

I love you monkey! I can't wait for your birthday party tomorrow! (Pictures of that to come!)

Love,

Mama Monkey

May Meanderings

Well, the month of May has turned out to be a little busy for our little family. Not too much that is notable, so to speak, but things that have kept me away from a lot of time with the computer. Surprise-I am going to list them. I can't help it. Lists are my crutch. My way of not having to construct readable paragraphs. It's how I roll.

1. For the first time in my life, I have jury duty. I can't talk about anything until it is over, but it is simultaneously boring and interesting. Bet you didn't think that would ever happen, did you?

2. Caroline had her surgery yesterday. :( Downside: She is a little doggie in a lot of pain. Upside: I will never have to deal with her going into heat. I'm afraid the OCD in me couldn't handle it. Ugh..the germs! She is perkier today than she was yesterday so things are looking up.

3. Did you ever see the movie G.I. Jane? If you did, did it make you want to leave the theatre and shave your head and blow things up? Well-the sermon at church on Sunday made me want to leave the church bldg and do something! It was very convicting and thought provoking. Go take a gander at www.elevationchurch.org. Click on Media/Sermon Archives and it is the only sermon listed under the E Series. Poke around some of the other ones too. They are guaranteed to knock your socks off!

4. My 10 year old step-son asked to take his friends to church after his bday party. Needless to say, we are now trying to work out how we can legally transport those boys to Charlotte. God will make a way...and I am praising Him for how he is working in Seth's heart! I pray every day that I am given the things to say and do from Him, so that I can continue to provide and encourage Seth in his walk with God. It is exciting to watch his faith unfold!

5. Speaking of the boys bday party.....there will be several little boys in my house overnight on Saturday night. Send reinforcements from the mental ward...STAT! Nah..they are all really good boys and they will have a blast (I hope!) and Seth is excited about turning 11. He is growing up waaay too fast!

6. Also back to the bday party......it is all planned for outside..and there is a huge chance of thunderstorms! We are praying the forecast changes......at least to rain instead of storms. The boys can play in the rain-just not in thunder or lightning. We will see what happens!

Ok...I think that is it for today. I am exhausted and I think I am going to take a nap before American Idol. Maybe I'll even do a post about them with BooMama tonight. Stay tuned to find out!!!!!!! I hope everyone is having an amazing week......Talk to you all soon!

Two posts in one day?

What in the world am I thinking? I wanted to post this one the other day, but didn't have internet access. Go figure.

Dear Olin,

Today you celebrate your 32nd birthday!!!!! I am sorry that we have to celebrate it at work, but just remember that we are working towards a bigger common goal right now.

In your 31st year, we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary! I never imagined I would get married, much less to a man as wonderful as you are. I know there are tons of people that say that about their husbands but when I say it I know it really is the truth. I don't know how I ever deserved someone like you, but I sure am glad that God crossed His arms on that one! You truly are a blessing in my life and in the lives of people all around you. You face every day...no matter how hard it is showing itself to be...with a rigid determination to push through it and see the silver lining. You definitely are my opposite on that one!

As our small family faces a lot of changes in the coming months, please remember this: No matter how upset, stressed, tired, or cranky I get....I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love nothing more these days than spending a night in at home with "my boys"......you and the monkey! I am so excited to see what God is doing in and through our family! He has so much in store for us in this new season in our lives. Just imagine what I will be writing for your 32nd!




I love you "GL"........Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world....

Love,
Courtney