Why wait one more hour?

Dear Olin,

Technically, it is the night before Father's day. It won't start for one more hour. But why wait? :) I am nothing, if not impatient.

I want to start by saying that you are a wonderful father. I watch you grow as a man of God and a father to Seth every day and I am honored to be a part of that journey with you. I love to see Seth when we go to pick him up and he comes running out of the house yelling..."Daddy!!!" The look on his face is priceless, and one I hope that neither one of us ever forget. As we begin to navigate the waters of pre-teens, know that he won't always have that look. There will be days when he hates us. And that will mean that we are doing our job. At the end of the day, know that we are not here on earth to teach him to love us...we are here on earth to teach him to love Him. That will be all that's important.

One of my favorite things to do is walk into Seth's room and "catch" you guys with ten million legos laid out on the floor....you and Seth both laying on your bellies...creating some type of genius structure with plastic little blocks. Little blocks that, when I have to take them apart eventually will make my fingers raw! I am not sure of all the conversations that take place on the bedroom floor of our tiny apartment but I am sure they are conversations that Seth will remember for a lifetime.


If there is one thing that makes me sad this Fathers Day it is this: that I have not made you a father yet. Something about me is broken. You and I both know that God can fix it and that He can make it happen. Usually I am good with it....but I can't help but to think what you would look like the first time you held our child in the delivery room. The first time you changed their diaper. You holding those tiny little hands in your large ones as they learn to take their first steps. You see....I am honored to watch you be a father to Seth. I am sad that I missed all those times of seeing you with a baby. For this-and for maybe never making you a father to a second child-I am truly sorry. Another child deserves to have you to help raise them and teach them. If it never happens, I will rest in the knowledge that God knows what he is doing and I am not in control of that. Eventually. For now, I guess it's ok to hope.

Happy Father's Day to the man who taught me what a father looks like. To the love of my life. I hope your day is as amazing as it can be (while we are at work).....I promise a celebration with the little one when we get home!

I love you with all my heart,
Courtney