Monday, April 27, 2009

A List

Ok, since everybody (well, at least the 2 people) that read this blog know that I love to make lists, I thought I should post one tonight. It makes this whole "blog" a bit easier for me. Ahem.....

1. I am so ready to be home it is unreal. I just want to go to bed in MY bed with my husband, and get up in the morning to the sound of opposed to the smell of diesel fumes and engines. (Patience, my dear child...Patience)

2. My neighbors dog got ran over tonight. Makes me grateful that Carter Ann never is allowed to play outside alone. I don't know what I would ever do! It also makes me re-think ever getting another dog due to attachment issues.

3. I got to spend the afternoon with Shane and Kealey and it was great! I had mall time, Kohl's time, and DQ. What more could a girl ask for? I learned that time away from the hubby gives us time to miss each other and it is nice to be missed now and again.

4. I will admit now that I quit driving early because I was somewhere I could get internet. Shhhhh......don't tell O. Oh wait, he is one of the 2 people that read this. Oops!

5. S, I am dying for week 20 or so so we can know what colors to start buying. I need to know if I can purchase 1 smocked outfit or 100. I know, patience again. Told you I wouldn't get it the first 100 times.

6. I am really really happy that baby Stellan gets to fly home tomorrow and spend the night in his own house, and MckMama gets to spend the night with all of her MSC and PC. Imagine how excited she must be!!!

7. I am typing this and realizing that this post is getting longer than it should. I am going to go now and browse the net. I love online shopping. Did I ever tell you all that?????

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lesson 1

Ok, so I get that this one will be a lesson that I will have to relearn....time and time again. And, I also know that the longer it takes me to "get it", the harder God will try to teach me. Ahem....Now that that's out of the way..... I grew up a very confused girl. I grew up in church, and was raised by a great-grandmother that was a very Godly woman. She taught me about to rely on Him, how to talk to Him, etc. I just never got the concept of a RELATIONSHIP with Him. As I grew older, I saw friends of mine who were faithful believers moving to the next steps in their lives. Taking the steps of marriage, children, etc...and I was still sitting in singleness, wallowing a little perhaps, and wondering when it was going to be my turn. I know I am not the first or last woman that will go through this. I know my plight will be met with no pity, and instead cries of "I was that woman, too." It felt like I was alone, though. I struggled, and when I say struggled, I mean STRUGGLED. And I chose to struggle alone (which, HELLO, was the reason I was struggling in the first place!) I finally woke up one day and realized that God would never bless me with someone else until I was happy just being in His presence. When He was enough, then I could have more. I learned how to let go of past hurts and lay them at His feet. I let Him worry about it for a while. The only thing I had a hard time letting go of was my love life, or lack thereof. I thought somehow I could control that better than He could. And, I figured if I gave Him everything else, He would be happy with that, right? WRONG. He wanted it all. I know the Bible says that God would be a father to the fatherless, and a husband to the husbandless, but I am an instant gratification girl. I thought I had to have something, someone, I could touch. Someone I could go on dates with, because that meant I was somebody. I settled time and time again, because God just wouldn't do it for me. I needed physical people to surround myself with, even if I knew it was wrong, because I needed to feel loved. The day I gave the last part up to Him, He started in motion His plan all along. It was in His timing, and He was just waiting for me to get the big picture. He sent me O, who was a man beyond my wildest dreams. In my teenage years and early 20's I never would have dreamed up a man like him. Not for me, anyway. God got the last laugh. He showed me. When it became enough for me to just know He was there, to know He was with me when I was alone, He gave me my tangible. I have it everytime my husband reaches out for my hand, every time my husband wakes up in the night to fix my bed covers. I have it. I get it now. I just had to be patient and wait for it. That lesson was 30 years in the making, and I'm sure He isn't done with it yet. We have just had the mid-term! Until the next one, I'll just hold on to Him and who He gave me. For now, that is enough.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The dreaded first post

I have labored over the "first post" for days. I have written, erased, re-written, several times. I read several blogs already and all of those women possess these wonderful writing skills. You know the blogs...the ones you can't wait for a post to go up because you know you will either get a good laugh or cry out of it. Well...I must face it...My blog may be that one day, but not today. Today I will just be happy to have the first post out of the way. ;o) It's a lot of pressure, people. I guess the lesson I'm learning from this is not to worry so much. Ummmm...yea, probably God it TRYING to teach me that one but it's not working out so well so far today. What can I say? Just trying to be honest, people. But this is the fun in learning lessons. Let's face it, sometimes you don't get it the first 200 times, but one day you figure it out and it's a great "Aha" moment. Keep reading...maybe one of these days I'll have one of those! ;O)