Ok, so I get that this one will be a lesson that I will have to relearn....time and time again. And, I also know that the longer it takes me to "get it", the harder God will try to teach me. Ahem....Now that that's out of the way..... I grew up a very confused girl. I grew up in church, and was raised by a great-grandmother that was a very Godly woman. She taught me about God...how to rely on Him, how to talk to Him, etc. I just never got the concept of a RELATIONSHIP with Him. As I grew older, I saw friends of mine who were faithful believers moving to the next steps in their lives. Taking the steps of marriage, children, etc...and I was still sitting in singleness, wallowing a little perhaps, and wondering when it was going to be my turn. I know I am not the first or last woman that will go through this. I know my plight will be met with no pity, and instead cries of "I was that woman, too." It felt like I was alone, though. I struggled, and when I say struggled, I mean STRUGGLED. And I chose to struggle alone (which, HELLO, was the reason I was struggling in the first place!) I finally woke up one day and realized that God would never bless me with someone else until I was happy just being in His presence. When He was enough, then I could have more. I learned how to let go of past hurts and lay them at His feet. I let Him worry about it for a while. The only thing I had a hard time letting go of was my love life, or lack thereof. I thought somehow I could control that better than He could. And, I figured if I gave Him everything else, He would be happy with that, right? WRONG. He wanted it all. I know the Bible says that God would be a father to the fatherless, and a husband to the husbandless, but I am an instant gratification girl. I thought I had to have something, someone, I could touch. Someone I could go on dates with, because that meant I was somebody. I settled time and time again, because God just wouldn't do it for me. I needed physical people to surround myself with, even if I knew it was wrong, because I needed to feel loved. The day I gave the last part up to Him, He started in motion His plan all along. It was in His timing, and He was just waiting for me to get the big picture. He sent me O, who was a man beyond my wildest dreams. In my teenage years and early 20's I never would have dreamed up a man like him. Not for me, anyway. God got the last laugh. He showed me. When it became enough for me to just know He was there, to know He was with me when I was alone, He gave me my tangible. I have it everytime my husband reaches out for my hand, every time my husband wakes up in the night to fix my bed covers. I have it. I get it now. I just had to be patient and wait for it. That lesson was 30 years in the making, and I'm sure He isn't done with it yet. We have just had the mid-term! Until the next one, I'll just hold on to Him and who He gave me. For now, that is enough.
Goodbye to Haley
1 day ago