Fun Fall Times with Friends and Family

Well...it has been forever since I've posted. Maybe just a few weeks...but who's counting? I am just jumping on to say hi and to let you all know to look for a very (VERY) long blog in the coming weeks! We have some friends coming in this weekend from SC and there are sure to be really great pictures that will just have to be posted. Also, Sheyna is in the final countdown to Sophie Joy arriving! She is sick right now-please remember her in your prayers-and she has less than 4 weeks until the new arrival gets here! I also may or may not have a post that is due containing some pictures of Olin and I on the side of Mt. St. Helens (in a big truck) complete with Oompa Loompas. Oh how I wish I would've gotten video-but great pictures are in the works to go up on here and you wouldn't want to miss them. Your life will never be the same.

Ok. It will probably will be the same even if you do miss them but you really don't want to.

I'm off to go pick up a load of stuff from Burlington Coat Factory and head home. I have about 48 hours to get there. And my time starts.....

RIGHT NOW!

Happy Fall Ya'll!

Sugar and Spice

Last Saturday, we had the pleasure of celebrating with Sheyna and Jonathan the upcoming arrival of Sophie Joy. The weather was definitely not in our favor, but it all worked out and we had a great time of fellowship and showering! We were even able to set up a small separate celebration in honor of Levi becoming a Big Brother! We are trying to convince him that this is a great idea! Ha! We will see if our efforts pay off in just a few short weeks.

The Girls (L-R: Shane, Amber, Sheyna, (Sophie Joy), and Me


Levi "loving" on his little sister

Sophie, you don't know this yet, but these are just a few of the hands that will be holding you, feeding you, taking care of you! What a blessed little girl you are! (These are Sheyna, Jonathan, and Levi's hands)


These are a couple of Levi's friends...Kealey, Levi, and Walker. Have you ever tried to get a picture of 3 toddlers together? This is what comes of that.....


Daddy in waiting


Sheyna's mom, Janet. I am a horrible photographer and I got no pictures of Sheyna's dad (it was his first baby shower ever), or Jonathan's parents. However, Amber got many more pictures than I did so I am sure she can help me out on this. ;o)

Don't laugh at me. This is my first ever attempt at a diaper cake. I know it is kinda wonky...but can't you appreciate the simplicity of it with me?!? No??? Oh, well.

This should make up for it. This was Amber's great idea for favors. It is salt water taffy stuck onto skewers. It was tasty and soooo cute.


This is a picture Amber painted for Sophie's room. I could have taken a full shot so you could see all the cuteness of it but why would I do that? Only a seasoned photographer would do that. You will have to visit Amber's blog to see the whole thing when she gets it posted. www.makerminute.blogspot.com. You are welcome. The other cute things, that I did not photograph, were these buckets that we used. Shane is responsible for this idea. We had a pink bucket with Sophie's name on it that we used on the food table for chips. We had a blue one on Levi's table with chips in it. It is froo-froo baby showering at it's finest! (Again, maybe Amber has a picture...)



Look what I found! I did take a picture so we have evidence of Tom Pope going to a baby shower!!!!! (He is on the right). They look positively enthused to be there. (They really did enjoy it).

Finally, the cutest picture of them all:


And that, my friends, is how you throw a baby shower. You are welcome. We can't wait to meet you Sophie Joy!

A Peace That Surpasses Understanding

I am in a waiting period in my life. It's as simple as that, really. I am waiting to see where we are going to go with our jobs, where we are going to live, and where our family is headed in general. Are we going to add anyone to it, or will it be me, Olin, & Seth? Are we going to get a job where we will be home more often, or are we on the road for a reason for a while longer? See a theme here? I feel like the biggest part of my life I have spent it waiting. Waiting until I could get out of high school and move out. Waiting until I found "the one"...and spending unnecessary time with "others" until I did. Waiting for my family to be "normal"...at least in our sense of the word. I am seriously, and prayerfully, striving to live in the moment now. I want to enjoy what God has given me now instead of overlooking what I have in search for the next "thing"..whether that be a new place to live, a baby, or a new job. During this time, there is a song that has really spoken to me. I have heard it a million times on this cd, but really took notice of it yesterday and really listened to what it said. I promise I am not going to perpetually post song lyrics, but if you will just oblidge me.....

Nicole Nordeman
Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

Domestic Diva or Disaster? You decide...

Just call me the "Domestic Diva". Or....Domestic Disaster. Whichever you decide fits. Ok....the story is....The other day, I decided to make chicken salad...on the truck. Now, this is no small feat in itself on a truck. I personally like to think it is something Martha would give her nod of approval to. I had drug everything out of the cooler, prepared the salad, toasted the bread, etc. We were also having tossed salad with our sandwich. I had taken a block of cheese and cubed it up to put in our salads. I had everything made, and had put everything away, in anticipation for my husband returning to the truck and making some small shout of glee over what his wife had done. I considered putting a little water and flour on my face, only there was no flour in my pantry in the truck. For obvious reasons. Ahem....So my husband gets in the truck and ya'll, he is nothing if not picky about his food. Just ask Sheyna. I immediately present him with his plate and sit back and wait for his comments of adoration and praise. Then he says....I think I want cheese on my sandwich. Well....that would be easy...in a normal kitchen. I had already hauled the 40 quart cooler back into it's resting spot and didn't want to drag everything back in the world back out. I look around the bed...and suddenly, like a burst of heavenly light..I spot it. The ziploc bag with the cubes of cheese in it for the salads. I had forgotten to put it away. I think the result would have simultaneously made MacGuyver (SP?) proud and Martha Stewart shreik. See for yourself and you be the judge. Diva or disaster?

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I am NOTHING, if not creative.
You are welcome.

It's Been A Long Time

Hi guys! Sorry it has been so long since I have posted but I'm back! (Not that anyone other than the people that know me actually read this thing...;O) Monday, July 13th, I got a phone call from someone that I have known/been friends with for a long time. This is a woman that, for a long time, has been a non-believer. She would go to church when her mom asked her to, usually a couple times a year, but that was the extent of her spiritual world. I, being still quite the baby christian, didn't know how to approach the gospel with her, or what would be too much to say. I just quietly lived out my life in front of her with my husband and step-son, and would occassionally answer questions that she had. Well, lo and behold, she called me on Monday and told me she had just given her life to the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There were some shouts of joy, and some tears, and I just had to wake my husband up and tell him too! She thought I was being a bit melodramatic, and to her maybe I was. I remember people praising God when I got saved, and I thought they were a little loco myself. But you see, this is a HUGE milestone for her and a wee little one for me in my walk with God. This is the first time that someone I have prayed incessantly for, and someone that close to me that was previously unsaved, has been saved. I don't understand it myself. Maybe I did act a little loco. I am sure God will forgive me. I am sure He will forgive the dance I do in my house when I get home and can highlight her name in my prayer journal as an answered prayer as well. I don't think dancing in front of her would be a great idea just yet. My husband and I have committed to praying for her, as we both know that there is a long road ahead. A road that will be filled with twists, turns, confusion, regret, anger at having to give things up, etc. You see...Satan is going to try everything he can to get her back. I am sure he has already figured out her weak spots and will use them to try her until she doesn't think she can take anymore. My prayer is that when these times come, it is then she will run to God for the answers. I pray that I am given the words of encouragement that she needs to hear and the courage to say them. The thing that catapulted this decision for her was her father passing away last week. My other prayer for her is that when she begins to miss her earthly father, as she does and will continue to do, she will learn to curl up in her Fathers arms and tell Him about it. He so longs to hear her talk to Him! After all, He has been waiting 43 years to hear it!!!!! Congratulations, Jill. You are in my prayers all the time and I am so proud of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another item I need to address is this: I read the most heart wrenching post yesterday and need to beseech all of you to read it as well. It is on Amy Beth's blog: www.ministrysofabulous.com. The title of the post is "Scar". I am not going to kid myself and think I could know how to link directly to that post so that is the only lead I can give you. All I can say is that when the days on the road are hard, as they sometimes are and will continue to be, I need to be reminded to thank God that I am not left laying in a pile of garbage. My hope now is that we can learn of a way to help this orphanage and adopt these children. Please take a moment and read it.

Whew! That was a lot that I needed to get out! I think those are the only two major updates I had. By the way, happy anniversary Amber and Josh! (www.makerminute.blogspot.com) I hope you two had a restful, relaxing time in the mountains, and I hope the real world welcomes you back slowly. Congratulations on the first 6 of many, many years!

Oh....and in case you read this and don't know.....Sheyna and Jonathan are having a baby girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (www.awidewildworld.blogspot.com and www.jlwide.blogspot.com) Levi will be a big brother to a baby sister now! Pull out the pink! ;o) (and the smocked dresses...of which there will hopefully be many). I just wonder how early is too early to start her "dream wedding" book? If Jonathan reads this he will have a coronary. ;O) Congratulations you guys!

Ok...I am finished now. Seriously. I promise. Why are you still here? You should be on Amy Beth's blog by now reading the post I told...err....asked...you to go read. Go!

See you guys soon!
Courtney

Friday Fun

Ok...if you know me by now you will know that no week could have ever been complete without a wordle. I was thinking tonight how I should be grateful for everything I do have in life...instead of focusing on the things that I want to attain. I think everyone should have goals...it gives us something to look forward to! However, in looking towards my goals, I tend to miss what I have already been mercifully given. I am blessed, way beyond what some people will ever see in this life. I know that. I just need to REALIZE it. In honor of my "Aha" moment today (Olin, please pardon the Oprah reference), tomorrow I am going to try to go all day long without complaining about one single thing. Not crazy drivers that I have to battle, at least I have a job. Not about being tired, at least I am awake and can be. Not even about a dirty truck. We are able to walk-that's how we tracked dirt in. And the food crumbs? At least we have something to eat. My dead headset? I am blessed with many friends to talk to to keep me occuppied each day. You should check my twitter for updates on how I am doing. lol...I am sure my husband will hold me accountable to being honest. For tomorrow, and the rest of today, I am going to practice being grateful. All day long. To help keep me focused I made a little wordle of all the small things in life that I love. I am sure I forgot a few hundred of them, but it's a start. I can at least look at it throughout the day just as a reminder. ;o) Please keep me and my new goal in your prayers. Talk to you all again soon!

A Wordle for your prayers!

There are several things on my mind today. So, what better way to communicate them than through a wordle? How fun! Hope everyone is having a great day....and Sheyna....please post what your baby is growing this week! For Pete's sake!!!

A Wordle for your prayers!

Ok..now this is just getting ridiculous

I know....I should give up the computer and go to bed. 3 posts in one night? What the heck am I thinking? When you go to create a wordle, you can figure out how to save it. I, being technologically challenged however, cannot figure it out. Anyways.....Those of you that know me (which, hello...is all 3 people that read this blog) know that I have "issuses" with my earthly father. Tonight I was sitting here thinking about what kind of father would I want if I could pick. Then....like a ton of bricks...I thought, "Dummy...you have the perfect father!!!!!" So, in His honor, I created yet another wordle. I wish I could figure out how to save it because if I could I would have it printed to hang in my house. These are all the things I have always wished for in a father, and all the things that my Father does fulfill! BTW-these show up small but you can click on them and see them larger. This is it for the night, I promise. *Side note: My brother walked me down the aisle but God was there too. It took me a while to see it...but He was there...He whispered to me to hold it together when I threatened to wallow in the pool of self pity. He was present at the front of the stage. His love for me was, in a small part, manifested at the front in the man He had waiting there for me. He danced me through all of it. The parts I could have never walked alone. Heck, if I try to remember hard enough, I think He probably even told me I was the most beautiful bride ever.

wordles, wordles, and more wordles

I saw this on another blog, and thought these were wonderful!!!! As I am sitting in California and dreaming of home, I thought one with everything I miss from home would be quite fun! Go to http://www.wordle.net to create your own!

Show Us Where You Live Friday

You guys are going to think I am crazy....but I wanted to participate in the childrens room for Kellys Show Us Where You Live Friday. I don't have babies, but I am going to post my dream little girls room and little boys room. So....on to the little girls room....

I found this bedding on Posh Tots. I know it could be made way cheaper than they sell it....but isn't it adorable???




I would go with a neutral colored rocking chair...that way it could be used in other rooms later on.



Now, you cannot tell me this table set isn't just to die for. Couldn't you just picture tea parties??? I especially love the carrot legs on the table...







Just a couple pieces of art I would be interested in...both courtesy of Etsy.



Now on to the boys room.....I would keep the same glider......The only difference is.....







I love the colors in all of this stuff! This is compliments of Posh Tots and Etsy. I love the idea of monkeys in a boys room because, after all, isn't that what they turn into? lol....I love the idea of using different colors in addition to your regular blue/brown mixture.

Anyway...there you have it...the virtual tour of my dream rooms! I could go into cribs, but the one I found for baby girls that I LOVE is $20,000.00. HA! My husband laughed and said that if I bought that he better be able to sit in it and drive it! Just a dream people, just a dream. Hope you enjoyed!!!

Friday's Finale

Hi! I know it's been a while since I've posted but it's been quite a busy time. Here goes my list....

1. I went home last week. Hooray! I never thought I would love the sound of my dishwasher running and tv droning on in the background so much.

2. I am already gone again. And I am already missing the things I mentioned above.

3. The boys went to the race, er...water park....and it was postponed until Monday. Out the window went the plans to spend the day with Olin and Seth. They finally got home (waterlogged and all) early evening. They did get to see a few laps, finally.

4. I realized after last weekend that I don't like to be away from my husband overnight. I am good with him going out and having a good time but then he needs (I need) him to come home. ;o)

5. I got stuff in the mail from Tastefully Simple, thanks to my friend Angie having a party. I only tried the Key Lime Cheese Ball while I was at home but OH MY WORD was it worth it. Amazing. Simply amazing.

6. Congratulations to my cousin Rebekah in LA for moving out on her own for the first time! What a major move.....I am proud of you and will be praying for you!

7. "Infertile Myrtle" here is doing this thing called ovulation and my husband LOVES that I am whiny, hurting, moody, etc. He just loves it people.

8. I am wondering if putting that I was ovulation was way too much blog info. Oh well......you may stop reading at any time.

9. Um...my bff S is in the mountains for the weekend and I am green with envy. I know, I know....thou shalt not covet thy neighbor and all of that. I'm just saying is all.....I WANT TO BE LAYING IN THE HAMMOCK IN THE BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok....now that the outburst is over...

10. I am going to be able to meet up with another married couple that works for our same company tomorrow! They are on their way to OH from CA and we are on our way from OH to CA. We will be meeting somewhere in the middle. Yay! It's nice to be able to connect with people out here when we are away from home so much.

Well peeps, that's about it. I am sure that sometime in the next couple of days my hubs is going to ask me to post a blog to his...seeing as my bff and her hubs got him a new book for his birthday that he has been ravishing and writing about. (Thank you from the bottom of my heart. No, really.....thanks. Payback...Payback...Payback.) I will try to post again next week. Until next time.....

A Survey

1. Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
I am actually sitting in Indiana right now....I will be home again on Thursday!
2. What are you doing tonight?
I am having a relaxing night with the husband...he is watching the race and I am playing on the computer...
3. Who last texted you?
Umm....that would be a twitter from MckMama
4. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
Yep.
5. Do you get mad easily?
I can...I get stressed.
6. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I talk about them...which makes my husband very happy (not)...lol
7. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Spring and fall please
8. Who was the last person you were in a car with?
Olin
9. What color are your eyes?
Blue
10. Have you ever given up on someone but then went back to them later?
Yes. Not one of my proudest moments, but yes.
11. Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?
No, but I have threatened to many times...Olin always talks me off of that ledge.
12. Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren’t allowed to tell anyone?
Yes. And if you know me you know it is the hardest thing ever for me to keep a secret.
13. Honestly, if you could go back six months and change something, would you?
Not really
14. Are you wearing any clothes that don’t belong to you?
Yes, pajama pants that I "borrowed" from David...lol
15. Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?
Yes. Trying to get my lists made for the race next weekend...
16. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
If you are facing the bed I sleep on the left...
17. What is your favorite thing to shop for?
Recently it is for stuff for my apartment.
18. Who knows you better than you know yourself?
Olin and Sheyna can usually predict what I am going to do...lol
19. What are you doing this summer?
Working, spending time with Seth, not much of anything else.
20. Do you miss your past?
Nope, just my granny.
21. Did you ever have tea parties when you were younger?
I don’t think so.
22. What is your favorite line from a movie?
"I'm also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her." Notting Hill
23. Would you rather be the opposite sex?
NO!
24. What would you never name one of your children?
Barts (It was my grandmothers middle name)
25. What is the coolest restaurant you’ve ever been to?
I love the Cheesecake Factory in downtown Chicago on Michigan Avenue.
26. Where do you go when you want to get a really good sub sandwich?
Amy Beth, I hate the smell of Subway! I just thought I was weird. It is the smell of all of the bread rising, I think.
27. What style of house would you like to live in?
I love Cape-Cod style homes
28. Do you flip the channel when commercials come on?
I hate flipping....My husband loves it...Go figure.
29. Have you seen any of the Saw movies?
No. I am not a fan of horror at all.
30. What was your favorite book as a child?
The Princess and the Pea....My granny made me believe I was one...

I copied this survey from Amy Beth's post.....Feel free to copy and fill it out! Have a great weekend!

Follow-Up Friday

Okay...any reason to make a list. I decided that once a week I will (attempt) to make a list following up anything eventful from the week. I think this will serve a dual purpose...One, just in case anyone ever reads my blog that I don't talk to on the phone all the time, they will feel caught up; and two-This will serve as a journal and record for me throughout the year. Now that we have that understanding:

1. I am quite amazed that we have been away from home this long and will be home in now less than 1 week! Let the countdown officially begin!
2. I am stressing about how hot it is going to be at Speed Street......However, my bff Sheyna is preggers and I think that serves as the PERFECT excuse that she needs to go to the hotel room and rest in the air conditioning...and I need to drive her. Thank me later, Sheyna...Thank me later.
3. I am officially booked for my first appointment at a fertility specialist. I had to pay them money so it made it real and freaked me out a little bit. I mean, what if I have 6 or 8??? I know....God only gives us what we can handle....
4. Please pray that my assigned doc, Dr. Katz, has the knowledge to know what Olin and I need to do and can understand all of my "issues". Also please pray that he is a doctor that is firm in his faith. I know that this isn't something I will probably readily see in the office, but I can pray for it.
5. Please also note that aforementioned doctor graduated from UNC Chapel Hill. He is already a genuis in my book. I wonder if I wear some type of Tarheel paraphenalia into the office it will make me his favorite patient? Hmmm...Note to self....
6. We have made it all the way across the country and have to be back in Kansas tomorrow...We are in Pennsylvania! My dear husband hasn't been able to sleep...UGH! I will wake him up in a bit.
7. Jon and Kate are disgusting! Although, popular opinion states, and I agree, that we are happy the media are finally catching on to who they really are.
8. I have found more blogs, with the help of Amber and Sheyna, to get attached to. My husband thanks you.
9. Please pray for baby Stellan...he has had some bradychardia (slow heart rate) and SVT tonight. According to the latest tweet, MckMama isn't handling it as well as she had hoped she would. Please cover this family in your prayers.
10. I laid in bed this week with my husband, ate strawberry ice cream, and watched Notting Hill. Does it get any better people?

I will let you all rest now...lol. That was longer than I thought it would be. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. (You all meaning...the 3 people that actually read this). Talk to you all soon!

Mother's Day

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day! I meant to post a letter to Olin on here for his birthday but I accidentally posted it on his blog so if you wanna read it just hop on over to www.journalontheroad.blogspot.com. Oops....Oh, well....I guess it's all the same..lol. Have a great day!

Infertile Myrtle

Ok....to start off I will tell you that I had planned to not post anything about my infertility on my blog. However, I realized that this is the one place that I can rant, rave, cuss, cry, or scream shouts of joy and not worry about it. Therefore, I shall post about my number one role in life right now as "infertile myrtle". Needless to say, the hubby and I are trying. I never knew you had to have the degree of a scientist for this stuff. Thank goodness I have an "ovary guru" who has walked this road before me and is only a phone call away....I mean, after all, what else does she have to do other than answer my phone calls? Ahem...now that we have that one out of the way... ;o) I realized this week what a weird time it was for us to attempt our first try. For the first time EVER on the road, I decided to get a Sunday paper because we are heading home soon and I wanted to clip coupons to do some grocery shopping. I also wanted to look through the sales papers. Well, lo and behold, if EVERY STINKING SALES PAPER was dedicated to....yep, Mom. I kinda laughed at the absurdity of it all. Not that buying a gift for your mom is absurd...but it reminded me that if our attempts were failed this month that I would find out on Mother's Day. Now this area of my life, along with several others, is where my Christian maturity really shines. I mean.....isn't it mature of me to kick, scream, and sometimes yell at God? Isn't that ok? Really? Hmmmm.......I thought it was. And sometimes I just feel like a failure as a wife. I get the big picture. I get that I have been blessed with a step-son who is adorable and that there are millions of kids that need to be adopted. I get that. I just want the waddle people. You know the one I speak of. The one that develops around 6 months into pregnancy when you have to lean back and catch yourself before you sit down. So...I would like to petition all of your prayers that not only is God's will done, but that I accept it, whatever it is. And....if you feel frisky....please pray that one day I get to waddle. :o) Until next time........

A List

Ok, since everybody (well, at least the 2 people) that read this blog know that I love to make lists, I thought I should post one tonight. It makes this whole "blog" a bit easier for me. Ahem.....

1. I am so ready to be home it is unreal. I just want to go to bed in MY bed with my husband, and get up in the morning to the sound of NOTHING......as opposed to the smell of diesel fumes and engines. (Patience, my dear child...Patience)

2. My neighbors dog got ran over tonight. Makes me grateful that Carter Ann never is allowed to play outside alone. I don't know what I would ever do! It also makes me re-think ever getting another dog due to attachment issues.

3. I got to spend the afternoon with Shane and Kealey and it was great! I had mall time, Kohl's time, and DQ. What more could a girl ask for? I learned that time away from the hubby gives us time to miss each other and it is nice to be missed now and again.

4. I will admit now that I quit driving early because I was somewhere I could get internet. Shhhhh......don't tell O. Oh wait, he is one of the 2 people that read this. Oops!

5. S, I am dying for week 20 or so so we can know what colors to start buying. I need to know if I can purchase 1 smocked outfit or 100. I know, patience again. Told you I wouldn't get it the first 100 times.

6. I am really really happy that baby Stellan gets to fly home tomorrow and spend the night in his own house, and MckMama gets to spend the night with all of her MSC and PC. Imagine how excited she must be!!!

7. I am typing this and realizing that this post is getting longer than it should. I am going to go now and browse the net. I love online shopping. Did I ever tell you all that?????

Lesson 1

Patience
Ok, so I get that this one will be a lesson that I will have to relearn....time and time again. And, I also know that the longer it takes me to "get it", the harder God will try to teach me. Ahem....Now that that's out of the way..... I grew up a very confused girl. I grew up in church, and was raised by a great-grandmother that was a very Godly woman. She taught me about God...how to rely on Him, how to talk to Him, etc. I just never got the concept of a RELATIONSHIP with Him. As I grew older, I saw friends of mine who were faithful believers moving to the next steps in their lives. Taking the steps of marriage, children, etc...and I was still sitting in singleness, wallowing a little perhaps, and wondering when it was going to be my turn. I know I am not the first or last woman that will go through this. I know my plight will be met with no pity, and instead cries of "I was that woman, too." It felt like I was alone, though. I struggled, and when I say struggled, I mean STRUGGLED. And I chose to struggle alone (which, HELLO, was the reason I was struggling in the first place!) I finally woke up one day and realized that God would never bless me with someone else until I was happy just being in His presence. When He was enough, then I could have more. I learned how to let go of past hurts and lay them at His feet. I let Him worry about it for a while. The only thing I had a hard time letting go of was my love life, or lack thereof. I thought somehow I could control that better than He could. And, I figured if I gave Him everything else, He would be happy with that, right? WRONG. He wanted it all. I know the Bible says that God would be a father to the fatherless, and a husband to the husbandless, but I am an instant gratification girl. I thought I had to have something, someone, I could touch. Someone I could go on dates with, because that meant I was somebody. I settled time and time again, because God just wouldn't do it for me. I needed physical people to surround myself with, even if I knew it was wrong, because I needed to feel loved. The day I gave the last part up to Him, He started in motion His plan all along. It was in His timing, and He was just waiting for me to get the big picture. He sent me O, who was a man beyond my wildest dreams. In my teenage years and early 20's I never would have dreamed up a man like him. Not for me, anyway. God got the last laugh. He showed me. When it became enough for me to just know He was there, to know He was with me when I was alone, He gave me my tangible. I have it everytime my husband reaches out for my hand, every time my husband wakes up in the night to fix my bed covers. I have it. I get it now. I just had to be patient and wait for it. That lesson was 30 years in the making, and I'm sure He isn't done with it yet. We have just had the mid-term! Until the next one, I'll just hold on to Him and who He gave me. For now, that is enough.

The dreaded first post

I have labored over the "first post" for days. I have written, erased, re-written, several times. I read several blogs already and all of those women possess these wonderful writing skills. You know the blogs...the ones you can't wait for a post to go up because you know you will either get a good laugh or cry out of it. Well...I must face it...My blog may be that one day, but not today. Today I will just be happy to have the first post out of the way. ;o) It's a lot of pressure, people. I guess the lesson I'm learning from this is not to worry so much. Ummmm...yea, probably God it TRYING to teach me that one but it's not working out so well so far today. What can I say? Just trying to be honest, people. But this is the fun in learning lessons. Let's face it, sometimes you don't get it the first 200 times, but one day you figure it out and it's a great "Aha" moment. Keep reading...maybe one of these days I'll have one of those! ;O)